Because I say so!

Last Thursday, we celebrated Thanksgiving with lots of eating, drinking, and of course shopping across America. We slaved, liked the pilgrims, over the preparation of the food, not growing it, and when the feast was ready, we were grateful for all the blessings in our lives, especially for having the honor of seeing some of our annoying relatives only once a year. Some were grateful for not having to cook, and I was among those that were grateful that did not have to travel. In short it was a perfect long weekend that was too short.

And,

As I was marinating the big bird and preparing all the traditional foods, I walked down the memory lane of all the Thanksgivings with the 4teens.

When 4teen was a preschooler and a kindergartener, I learned the story of Thanks giving with him while he was sometime a pilgrim and other times an Indian.

When she was in tweens, she wanted to know whether the thanksgiving holiday was before or after the time that the Americans killed the Indians.

And now at the peak of 4teen, they both have a moral question. Why should they help anyone in life? The Indians helped the pilgrims and saved their lives by teaching them harvesting in the new land and how to survive in their new adopted home. What did the pilgrims do in return, they captured their land, killed them all and what ever was left of them was confined to the reservations. Moral of the story, see what happened to Indians, this is what helping others get you.

I have pondered over this statement many days and nights. I can not tell them that you have to help others, because I say so. This phrase has stopped working a very long time ago. Part of me knows that their statement is very true. How many times have I been betrayed by those whom I have helped? Many times. How many times have people taken credit for what I have couched and taught them? Many many more times. Yet, I still can not stop myself lending a hand to someone in need. Why?

Because my gut feeling tells me that this is the right thing to do, and I trust my instinct more than any thing else. Because I believe in what Hillel says, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?" Ethics of the Fathers, 1:14
This is who I am, and I can not work against my true self. For every time that I have been betrayed by one, I have been helped by another in a different situation. For every time that I taught something, I have learned another valuable lesson. And mostly, because this is who I am.

And the way I see it, helping people is not about them, it is about me. Every time I turn my back on someone in need, I am turning back on my self, and I lose part of what makes me whole, and I do not want to do that. I need to believe that there is still goodness in the world, and by doing good, I am pulling my weight in society. And I do know that there are many people out there like me.

So the 4teens have to take my word for it, because every time he/she will ask me why they should help anyone, my answer will be, because I say so!!

Look who is judging now!

And the story goes,
Someone asked a very rich person about the origin of his vast fortune. The old man said that when he was very young and a new groom, he was down to his last nickel and he did not know what else to do. Some one was selling apples for a nickel and he buys it and as he was walking and polishing his apple to eat, a guy buys his apple for a dime. With the dime, he bought two apples, polishes them and sells them for 20 cents. This goes on for a week as he doubles his money with each transaction. “On the eight day” he said, “the uncle of my wife died and we inherited his whole estate.” And that is how he got rich! Not a bad way huh! But what about people who are not married to spouses with rich relative, or they don’t have one themselves?

And God created Lawsuits!! People believe that they can sue people over simple stuff and get a fortune out of it. When 4teen was younger, he wanted to sue me, 4t, for not providing cable TV for home and his pleasure. This is the accepted culture, and whoever comes to this country, may not learn to speak the language, but learns two things immediately, one that you can sue people for anything, and the other to plead insanity when in trouble.

As simple as it sounds, lawsuits, despite what lawyers may say, are not easy to process and definitely not easy to win. For every smart lawyer out there that encourages people to sue, there is an opponent who is smarter and slyer to defend the opposite party. After all, this is a country that the legal system is supposed to work in favor of the justice and the rightful party. Here are a few examples of outrageous lawsuits:

A woman filed a lawsuit ($1 mill.) against the local hospital for not doing enough to prevent her heart-attack. She got the heart attack because she was obese and smoked cigarettes, and even had a family history of heart problems.

A man was attacked by a bird outside a store, causing him some head injuries. He sued the store for 100k but the case was thrown out.

A woman falls in a store and not only she sues, but her husband sues, because the wife could not perform her conjugal duties during the healing period.

And the very most recent lawsuit: A long line of people, including the village of Glod in Romania, against Mr. Sacha Baron Cohen, the British actor, over the movie Borat.
Every claim has a different text, but they all think that they were humiliated and ridiculously underpaid and they all want more money, despite all the embarrassments that they have endured. I can’t but wonder if they would have sued, if the movie was not such a big success. Probably not.

And who is the real winner in all lawsuits, of course lawyers. And for the record, if I would live my life a new, I would become a lawyer!


Is it just to file suits against parties at fault? Yes by all means if it is justified and if a person is truly violated. Otherwise, we have to take into account that the balance is always maintained. If someone gets awarded in an unjustified lawsuit, some one else is paying the amount and that is where the fairness of the matter is questionable.

The way I see it, there may be many shortcuts to getting rich, but it is always at the expense of someone else. In the case of my opening story, the death of the uncle.

Here we go again: Science or Art?

Poor Science!! It has taken us from Stone Age to this glorious day, and yet we are still questioning it.

A long time ago, on one of my job interviews some one asked me if I thought that accounting is science or art. I answered very honestly that accounting is science and that is why they give you bachelors of Science and not Art. I never quite got the meaning of that question until last weekend when 4teen had friends over and the discussion was job hunting. For the records, I did not get that job!

A very frustrated 4teen had applied for a job at a greeting card store for the position of a simple sales associate. After the initial interview she had to take a test and based on the result of the test, she did not get the job that paid minimum wage. The test had nothing to do with any performance skills, they were basic personal and moral questions and she answered all the questions very honestly, however, they told her that they do not think that she is a good fit for their organization, because the answers did not look very genuine to them. She could not get what it meant to be a good fit, while she simply needed a part time job to earn some extra bucks for her daily expenses.

And the conversation heated and it became a group therapy for all these frustrated kids who are entering the workforce and are getting disappointed, because for so many years it is drilled into their heads to be themselves and not to lie about their identities and feelings. They are told that having a solid character is the foundation for anything one wants to be. All of a sudden, they are doing what they have always been doing and they find that being their true selves in the society does not necessarily mean that people will like or accept them. A big shock and disappointment. 4teens, welcome to the world of adults.

The truth of the matter is that everyone believes that an honest person who speaks frankly is like a bit of fresh air. Yet, that bit of fresh air does not land you necessarily the things that you want in life and in this case a job!! Sometimes, getting what you want in life has nothing to do with honesty and niceness, or even what you really think.

Here are a few examples of questions that you can not answer honestly in a job interview.

“Why do you want to work for XYZ Company?”

Politically correct answer:
Because XYZ is the leading producers of…and helps the environment and….., I believe in the mission of this company…...

Honest answer:

I need a job that is close to my house and you have an opening. End of the story.

Why are you leaving your present job?

Honest answer:
Why anyone does changes his job, because it is a dream job? We quit our jobs, because we are disappointed in our bosses, the company, and the pay and….

Politically Correct Answer:
I am still working on it.

And at this point the realization kicked in. Finding any job, in a science or art related position, really is an art. One needs the art of communication to relay the message in a way and tone to capture the audience that is being addressed. Marketing yourself and your skills is the ultimate art. Interpreting rules and regulation and turning them legally to your advantage are the greatest art. And the list goes on.

I still preach what Dr. Seuss preached: "Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind."

But the bottom line is that if living by this rule is not easy. If you choose to live by this motto, then there are consequences. If you can not take the heat, then get out of the game. There are no manuals in life for living; one just picks the way that suits him best.

We are back again to making choices in life!!

Sages & Sage

On one of our daytrips to a cozy town nearby, 4teen and 4t entered a store that sold spiritual effects. There was a demonstration going on that looked very intriguing and since it was the weekend of Halloween, I assumed that the show was to entertain the crowd and instill an atmosphere of this holiday, and to sell a few things as well.

The lady store owner was standing in front of the long line of people, with a stack of burning dried leaves bundled together in a rag, leading the line around the store, saying prayers and in attempt of shoving the smoke out of the open door. When the ceremony ended, she explained that the leaves are called sage and it is used to expel negativity and evil eye out of the house. In short she explained that this dried herb cleanses your house, like Mr. Clean, Lysol and bleach does, but you can only sense the purity and unable to see it!

She answered a few questions, but for more detailed questions like: how do we know if my house needs to cleaned, since we do not see the dirt, or what is the prayer that needs to be recited along with burning the sage, we needed to attend a session that was ongoing every Tuesday night for a nominal fee of $50.00 per person. No beverages served.

Well, it sounds right, one wants knowledge, one pays for school! But if she thought that I will pay that much money to learn about this stuff, she did not know me very well! I pay for internet service and this is after all 21st century! And I learned that sages like Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, Rav Ashlog, Rav Lunia, among many other leaders of the Kabbalah, also believed in the power of sage, the herb. They suggested burning this herb in the house when people have bad dreams and believed that the scent and smoke of this herb cancels the negativity effect that is caused in people. It is common practice even now and it is also used to offset the effect of evil eye in a house.

These sages lived centuries ago when people were much less educated, and the world was less civilized than today. The medicine and hygiene was not this advanced and people addressed different issues based on what was available to them. I have tried to scientify what they taught by rationalizing the fact that maybe they burned the herb to nullify the bad smells in the house since people lived in numbers in small spaces or showered less and environment was dirty, and most everything had a bad stench. What I can not understand, is that hundreds of years later, when we are more civilized and more advanced, we are still doing this and we still believe in evil eye and negativity.

The way I see it, people are people and it does not matter which century they live in. Civilized or not, certain things almost never change, and apparently this spiritual need is one of them.

To be on the safe side, next time you cook, marinate your chicken and roast in sage and it will have double effect!! The food will taste great and maybe, as the chicken is roasting, the scent of the sage will purify the house too. One simply does not know.


In conclusion 4teen uses pot and weed to feel good, and 4t may burn sage around the house to feel good as well!!