I still give the best sit to my older sisters and carry their groceries. There are even times that I do not answer them back when I believe that they are intruding or crossing the line, and I do all these out of respect for them, not that I am afraid of them, or I fear that they may stop being my sister or other things, in fact, sometimes, I feel that they are too much of a sister that I can do without, but the philosophy of my life is that it is good to have everything that life offers except for pains, aches and disease. So I have two sisters and I will keep them till death do us apart!
So why are we having this discussion? Very simple, because this was a dinner conversation when the older 4teen was home for spring break. The conversation was mainly about the fear of GOD and then somehow it got to the fact that 4teens do whatever I tell them out of fear of losing my support or my punitive consequences like talking minimal with them or not being as friendly as I am all the time. OUCH! Yes, I heard them loud and clear, by support they do mean financial support!! I have to admit that being compared to GOD is an appealing concept and somehow I took the analogy very gracefully, however, I would still like to call that more out of respect than fear. But as always, no one ever consults me.
I took this criticism to heart and contemplated the issue long and hard and ran many scenarios in my head to distinguish the difference between the two and as I did go deeper into the subject, I believe that respect and fear are both the same. I will not talk about fear, because we are all very much familiar with the feeling. Respect on the other hand, is something that we earn and there is no price for that. Lets' say that I respect my boss, and I really do for the most part. My respect does not come from the fact that I am afraid that she will fire me if I don't. My respect is based on the fact that I admire a few of her characters traits and that I want her to have as high of an opinion of me that I have of her and I am afraid of losing that!! So somehow respect is connected to fear, but not for the conventional meaning that we know of fear. It has an almost positive edge to it that once again makes it about us and not the other party.
We do not mind how people that we don't care about observe us, but we do care how people who have some power, the way that we define power, perceive us. We respect does people, because we do not want to loose their alliance, and their opinion weigh a lot upon us.
Then I could really hear what 4teen was telling me. They do respect me, but they are wording it differently and that is OK. For a while, I thought that I will have to pay hefty fees to a therapist so that the 4teens can get over their fear of me!! What a relief! Now that I am aware of my power, I sorry I meant to say this fact) I can make them see it my way, how respect and fear are one and the am depending of how you look at it.
And as for respecting my older siblings, yes beside the love element in the relationship, I believe that the same rule applies to some extent. It s all in how you interpret things.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tribute To The Birthday Girl
I love birthday parties. I believe that when we get to 40tplus, we need some sort of time that it is all about us and birthday parties provide that, even if it is for a few hours?? Of course the drinks help too!
Last week an unfortunate friend of ours turned 50plus and we all went to a bar to celebrate it, mind you, I have not been to a bar for such a long time and…, but that is for another day. Anyway, I met a few other ladies, all single either divorced or widower and they all owned at least two dogs plus some other pets. Lisa (another guest) and I were the only ones who had only a husband and still married, and I also have two 4teens that Lisa lacked as well. One of the ladies commented that I am rare specie, but I already knew that.
Interesting circle!! All we talked was about dogs and pets all night, and I mean all night!! From hairdresser to veterinarian and dog food and best places to walk the dogs, we covered it all. I swear that in my all life and parenthood, I do not recall myself bragging about my kids to this extent. I was baffled. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs, especially when they are someone else’s, but I have a problem when I talk to people and all we talk about are dogs. Something was wrong with this picture and it was definitely not me, because despite my age and other things, I got hit on twice and got a free drink out of it too!! These women have no life but the life with their pets. Some of these women have no human relationship outside work except for the dogs and it makes me wonder why.
How disappointed are they in human race? Why are they pulling away from human contact, not only from men, but from women too? Why do they give up trying? These women (maybe there are some men too) isolate themselves to the extent that they have difficulty getting along with others in a social event and some were severely depressed ( I am not a licensed fractioned, but I can tell!). The way I see it, one of the failures of the society is that people are lonely, and believe me when I say that it is there doing. I do know the difference between being lonely and being alone and I know that these women were lonely. Most of them were a nervous wreck in the bar and did not quite know how to behave, and my heart went to them. I could see that they were looking for men, but did not quite know how to go around it. Somewhere in the process, they became diffident and insecure by loosing their real selves and that is sad. Did I mention that they were all educated women?
We all need good friends in life. Friends, who tell us, coach and direct us when they see something odd. I know that I always felt a need for one and tried my best to be one too. That night I had a bitter sweet feeling. I felt sad, because I was growing old, and also blessed that I have still a few people in my life that can straighten me out when I am out of line, especially the one who is ending her 4teen days and stepping into TEENLESS days.
Last week an unfortunate friend of ours turned 50plus and we all went to a bar to celebrate it, mind you, I have not been to a bar for such a long time and…, but that is for another day. Anyway, I met a few other ladies, all single either divorced or widower and they all owned at least two dogs plus some other pets. Lisa (another guest) and I were the only ones who had only a husband and still married, and I also have two 4teens that Lisa lacked as well. One of the ladies commented that I am rare specie, but I already knew that.
Interesting circle!! All we talked was about dogs and pets all night, and I mean all night!! From hairdresser to veterinarian and dog food and best places to walk the dogs, we covered it all. I swear that in my all life and parenthood, I do not recall myself bragging about my kids to this extent. I was baffled. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs, especially when they are someone else’s, but I have a problem when I talk to people and all we talk about are dogs. Something was wrong with this picture and it was definitely not me, because despite my age and other things, I got hit on twice and got a free drink out of it too!! These women have no life but the life with their pets. Some of these women have no human relationship outside work except for the dogs and it makes me wonder why.
How disappointed are they in human race? Why are they pulling away from human contact, not only from men, but from women too? Why do they give up trying? These women (maybe there are some men too) isolate themselves to the extent that they have difficulty getting along with others in a social event and some were severely depressed ( I am not a licensed fractioned, but I can tell!). The way I see it, one of the failures of the society is that people are lonely, and believe me when I say that it is there doing. I do know the difference between being lonely and being alone and I know that these women were lonely. Most of them were a nervous wreck in the bar and did not quite know how to behave, and my heart went to them. I could see that they were looking for men, but did not quite know how to go around it. Somewhere in the process, they became diffident and insecure by loosing their real selves and that is sad. Did I mention that they were all educated women?
We all need good friends in life. Friends, who tell us, coach and direct us when they see something odd. I know that I always felt a need for one and tried my best to be one too. That night I had a bitter sweet feeling. I felt sad, because I was growing old, and also blessed that I have still a few people in my life that can straighten me out when I am out of line, especially the one who is ending her 4teen days and stepping into TEENLESS days.
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