Is it Fear or is it Respect?

I still give the best sit to my older sisters and carry their groceries. There are even times that I do not answer them back when I believe that they are intruding or crossing the line, and I do all these out of respect for them, not that I am afraid of them, or I fear that they may stop being my sister or other things, in fact, sometimes, I feel that they are too much of a sister that I can do without, but the philosophy of my life is that it is good to have everything that life offers except for pains, aches and disease. So I have two sisters and I will keep them till death do us apart!

So why are we having this discussion? Very simple, because this was a dinner conversation when the older 4teen was home for spring break. The conversation was mainly about the fear of GOD and then somehow it got to the fact that 4teens do whatever I tell them out of fear of losing my support or my punitive consequences like talking minimal with them or not being as friendly as I am all the time. OUCH! Yes, I heard them loud and clear, by support they do mean financial support!! I have to admit that being compared to GOD is an appealing concept and somehow I took the analogy very gracefully, however, I would still like to call that more out of respect than fear. But as always, no one ever consults me.

I took this criticism to heart and contemplated the issue long and hard and ran many scenarios in my head to distinguish the difference between the two and as I did go deeper into the subject, I believe that respect and fear are both the same. I will not talk about fear, because we are all very much familiar with the feeling. Respect on the other hand, is something that we earn and there is no price for that. Lets' say that I respect my boss, and I really do for the most part. My respect does not come from the fact that I am afraid that she will fire me if I don't. My respect is based on the fact that I admire a few of her characters traits and that I want her to have as high of an opinion of me that I have of her and I am afraid of losing that!! So somehow respect is connected to fear, but not for the conventional meaning that we know of fear. It has an almost positive edge to it that once again makes it about us and not the other party.

We do not mind how people that we don't care about observe us, but we do care how people who have some power, the way that we define power, perceive us. We respect does people, because we do not want to loose their alliance, and their opinion weigh a lot upon us.

Then I could really hear what 4teen was telling me. They do respect me, but they are wording it differently and that is OK. For a while, I thought that I will have to pay hefty fees to a therapist so that the 4teens can get over their fear of me!! What a relief! Now that I am aware of my power, I sorry I meant to say this fact) I can make them see it my way, how respect and fear are one and the am depending of how you look at it.

And as for respecting my older siblings, yes beside the love element in the relationship, I believe that the same rule applies to some extent. It s all in how you interpret things.