Women for Women

When I was about 40(-)*2 , through my job, I attended a teamwork workshop for total quality purposes. There was an exercise in this workshop that put 3 people together, two of one gender and one the opposite, and it required us to make a team of two in each group in a specific period of time. In my group, we were two women and a man and when the topic was chosen, we both women, tried to bond immediately with the man. The team was made, but the instructor had a very interesting question. He asked us if it ever occurred to us women to make a team together?

Those few words were revelation to me. Up to this day, I don't know why I chose to make the team with that man. I don't know whether it was the stress of the time limitation or wanting to win the test or to prove myself, but I do know that that exercise changed my perspective about my kinship as a woman with other women of the universe.

How? I have thought long and hard about that phrase and to my dismay, I realized that maybe I thought that he was smarter, or he would respond better to me or......

This is neither about woman's rights nor woman's oppression around the world. It is not about Lesbians and the same sex relationship. This is not even about psychology or reasons behind women behavior. This is simply about women who do not feel kinship, sympathy, and solidarity with other women. This is about all women who go through the same feelings and life styles and yet side with men. Shame on us daughters who are future mothers and grandmothers that blame our mothers for every event of our lives and worse yet, sympathize with our fathers who had to deal with our mothers. We are who we are because of them. Shame on all of us girlfriends, that hurt each others feelings, just to spite each other just because we can. Shame on us female genders who still have no faith in each other and still think that men can do a better job.

When I am sick, depressed, troubled and god knows what, I reach for my girlfriends, so shame on me for not endorsing them and standing behind them from the beginning. They are the one who comfort me, advise me and nurture me and shame on me for dissing them and to refuse their friendship. Yes they are hormonal and moody at times, but who better understands them than I do, because I am in the same boat. We let our fathers, husbands, sons and male friends get away with many things, why can't we forgive women for that? Really, why don't we support each other more?

Dreams on sale

I know this Irish lady for a while now, but never had a chance to learn about her private life until a few days ago, and that is indeed odd for me, because if I like someone, and I definitely like her, I make my business to know their business! Or maybe because she was always a jolly person and had always something new and interesting to discuss and we never got to private matters, although she knew all about my mother in law!

The other day she told me that she was getting a divorce and I was dumb folded, because she never showed any sign of stress or distress over any marital problems, in fact she just came back from Ireland with her soon to be ex-husband after visiting family and friends on vacation. To make a long story very short, her marriage was staged only to get her into this country and to get her the citizenship. Now after a bit over six years, the mission is accomplished and she has what she wants and off everyone goes on his way. She said that the arrangement was done mutually and now that she has achieved her dream, and dream she meant, and he his money, they are part as friends without any resentments.

And it got me thinking about dreams and how much are we willing to pay for them, or better yet, how do we pay for them, and does the end justify the mean. Her dream cost her six years of her life plus some US$ and she seems elated. What is the price of a dream? Do dreams ever go on sale? Is the price paid in real money or real effort? Paying with money is the easy part, but what about those that pay in time, life and effort? I know many others who are still paying for their dreams and they are not yet accomplished, and they still do not want to give up. I know for myself, that I had many dreams, some came true and some still work in process, but at times I wonder if the dreams were worth paying that much? Or why did I not work on the unaccomplished dreams instead of the accomplished ones? Do our dreams change their importance at different phases of our lives? Do we sometimes set unattainable dreams for ourselves so that we can get going, because we love to dream?

And saddest of all is that we have things like US citizenship at our finger tips that we take for granted, and yet it is such a dream for someone else. It makes me wonder what this citizenship means to her that I have not figured out. Where is she taking this dream that I don’t know about? Are my dreams more complicated than others? And in this are my self revelations.

The way I see it, if we want something really bad enough, we will focus and go for it, like the gal from Ireland who really dreamed to be a US Citizen and she paid her dues and she became one. If the dream is for real, no price is too high and no obstacle is an issue. My dreams on hold are my fault for not going after them ferociously as if my life depended on it. I can lie to you and not to myself, because I know that whatever I wanted in life and achieved it, the price was never the issue, because I made it work. Now if it was worth it, then that is a whole new story.

Do you get it?

I had never felt so dumb or outdated until last week when I sat with 4teen to watch the MTV awards on TV. Yes, this year was my first time, because we never had cable until a few months ago. 4teens always went to the grandparents and friends to watch it, but I was not privileged enough to do so. Actually, after watching the last one, I am not quite sure if I was that underprivileged!

I do not want to talk about the rude host that I found everything about him tasteless until he started to calling our president names and I started hating him. I am an advocate of free speech, but I believe that calling each other names does not fall into that category and it was not funny at all, but that is a whole new story, or maybe the beginning of this one.

I may not know much about the new singers and the rappers, but I still enjoy good music and fancy clothes that the entertainers wear. I loved Rhianna's performance and her outfit, I loved Mariah Carey, Chris Brown and even Christina Aguillera. I am not amused by LiLo's or Brittany's life styles, but still want to see what they wore or what they said, and the same for many other performers. Yet after all this being said, I was shocked by the way that a few of them were dressed.

Who was that middle aged guy who showed up in his red striped boxers and white beaters? And then was that his wife or his girlfriend with a bedroom gown? Or the one who was dressed like a Joker in a deck of poorly designed playing card? What about the Lil something whose pants were so low that they were practically folded on the floor and you could see the bottom of the boxers along with the top. How the XXXX did he walk in those pants and moved on that stage? Worse yet, how does our teenage generation can adopt such an ugly fashion trend? Showing a bit of the elastic on the underwear is ugly, yet more tolerable than what this guy was showing which was honestly disgusting. And the words of some of the songs?? I guess I am lucky that my slang language is very poor, because I did not like some of the words that I heard.

4teen tells me this is the new art, and I do not understand how can things this ugly be art. How can cussing and foul language be classified as art? 4teen tells me that this fashion trend is a kind of statement, but fails to explain what kind of statement, what are they telling us? 4teen tells me that I am too old for this, and that is the first thing that has made sense to me since last week. I really don't get it.

Weight Down, Wisdom Up!

We have Weight Watchers at Work which makes it really inconvenient for plump and overweight people, like me, to have any more excuses not lose weight! But hey it is not all about losing weight, sometimes it is about gaining wisdom as well.

Before summer, around the month of February, the company started recruiting for the WW sessions and there were a few informational meetings for all who were thinking about joining. One particular person, who happens to be a very close neighbor of my office and who also wears a size 6 or 8 with the height of 6"2, started over eating after the informational session. I was confused by two things; One why does she need WW to begin with and secondly, why has she started overeating all of a sudden. Me being me, asked her the second question, and she said that being at the weight that she is right now, WW will not accept her application, so she is gaining weight so that she can be eligible to join WW. Kill me! And in my head I say ok, she gains weight so that she can lose it with WW while also paying for it???What is wrong with this picture?

Honestly, I find it very insulting when real slim people go to these meetings to lose weight with all the other overweight people. We are not talking about people who have 5 or 6 pounds to lose, we are talking about people who are really slim and yet go to these meetings and talk about how their trainer does this and that, and question how to find another restaurant that has fewer calories for FF or what products should they be eating to lose more weight. Hello, look around you!

The group leader believed and preached that the image that we have of ourselves in our head is the real image no matter what the scale said. Although I believed it whole heartily, I thought that she is a business woman who wants the money, why did she care if any one is slim or not as far as her sessions are full and she has enough people to conduct her discussion panel. Then it hit me like a brick on the head and the realization came and I started laughing so hard... and kind of sad too.

These people are insecure and have self confidence issues. If my problem is solved by eating less and moving more, their problem does not have the obvious and proven remedies, even if it is clamping the stomach. I am plump and I know it and I have accepted my condition. Any pound I lose, I celebrate joyously and when I gain it back, huh, what the heck. These people can not decide the limit to their weight, because weight is not an issue to begin with. When they lose a pound, they fret why only one and when they gain it back, they throw a fit. They don't even do it for health reasons, they just do it, because they believe that people will like them more if they are slimmer? They need it, because the need friends, or attention?

The way I see it, these slim people mingle with overweight ones in WW to feel good about themselves. They feel superior in the company of the plump and obese people, they enjoy the look of jealousy and coveting on their counterparts faces. They feel important that they eat salads all the time, while others have problem not craving fatty foods. Everyone looks for a way to look down on someone else, and these people do not profile racially but by other means. I wonder if they see the look of disgust and pity on many faces too.

Well I guess at the end of the day we are all winners. I lost a few pounds and hopefully she is feeling a lot better about herself, because she has not lost more than two pounds and WW is thriving with sales and membership. What can I say, a true success story.

Balance

It is a while that all I read in the papers is how bad the economy is and how troubled is the financials of not only this country, but around the world. The prices of food, gas and most consumer goods are way up and the houses have plummeted, and the economists can go on and on and babble about it to aggravate the frustrated consumer even more and plunge them further into panic and depression.

On the other hand, companies like Exxon and Chevron have record profit for this quarter in the history of US or any other place, now how they justify their profits while millions of people are suffering from high prices, is another story for another day, but GM, one of the biggest American companies has lost so much profit that it is record as well. Many banks who were making record profits years ago, are now going out of the game one by one.

But am I the only one who sees the trend here? Gas companies have more profits, car companies less. Food goes up and houses come down. Euro is up and US$ down. And on goes the list. The way I see it, things are always, always, in balance. One has to loose so the other one gain and that is the rule of the world, and that is what exactly is happening now a days. One loses a Dollar and the other one finds it. It is not fair, I know, especially when middle class is on the loser side and upper class on the profitable side, but this is how the world works.

Until the day that we respect and value money over our humanity and ethics, then this is how it is going to be. Until we do not use our brain to find the catch 22 in every too good to be true situation, then this is how it is going to be. Until we do not learn to live within our means, nothing improves. There are vultures out there that justify inhuman business profit by any means they can and we let them. Until then things remain the same. Other than that, whatever goes up must come down and that is how it is.

What About Paternal Instinct?

We women are suckers, and I am not kidding you. We bring many things on ourselves and blame it on our nurturing maternal instincts. Bologna.

The other day, three of us went to a local sandwich shop to pick up a preordered lunch order from a local deli. It was two colleagues, a man, Dave, and a woman, Gabs, and I. The order was packed in six shopping bags with two small trays of drink, and in my head I do the math that each one takes two bags and two of us a tray of drink and we will be good. So, I grab my two bags and a tray of drink and head toward the office without looking back. When I got to the last traffic light waiting for it to turn to green for pedestrians, I look back and I see Gabs carrying four bags and Dave just carrying a tray of drinks. At that very moment something snapped in me! I placed the tray of drinks that I was carrying on his tray and I said “it seems that you can carry this.” I was so mad that I could feel my blood pressure rising in my head.

Ok, the story gets better or worse depends on your perspective. When we get to the building and as we are waiting for the elevator, another colleague woman approaches and says, “Hey Dave, let me help you, it seems that you have a lot to carry!!” and she took the two trays away from him.

We got upstairs and arranged everything and I went straight to the other woman’s office and asked her angrily if she saw Gabs with four bags, and she said yes, and I asked her why did she help Dave and not Gabs? She thought for a while and said that she honestly did not know! Even she was surprised by her answer!

What is it with us? Why did Gabs take four bags and did not let Dave grab two? In this particular case I do know the answer; she was sucking up to Dave, because Dave is her boss!! Why did the other woman help Dave and not Gabs? I don’t know, even she does not know. And the million dollar question, why did Dave sat back and let all these women take care of things and why didn’t he man up to contribute at least a little bit? And it gets better, because at the end he took all the credit.

Honestly, the way I see it, it is our entire fault for the way that we pamper these men as mothers, wives, sisters and daughters. We find them a victim of I do not know why, and they accept it, because life is easier for them not that they find themselves victims. They can’t care less what we think as far as life is smooth and comfy.

I still get mad when I talk about this, but Dave can not come for help to me anymore, because every time he comes, my answer is a dumb smile and “I don’t know” or “I can’t.” He should be on someone else’s BRAT list, because God knows I have my own.

Black Jack Anniversary

This week I am celebrating my 21st wedding anniversary with my dear hubby chubby. Looking back, it sometimes feels more and other times a lot less years. Also, we both still don’t feel being married. We feel more like boyfriend and girlfriend, but we have kept our marital commitments to the max. Marriage never felt like a trap for either one of us, therefore, we never had the urge to free ourselves from this bondage, or prove our identity without the other. OH! Don’t get me wrong, we had our share of ups and downs. There were times that we both wanted to leave and never come back (there are still times like that!), and there were times that we fought worse than two fighting bulls, but we hung on to the boat and the ship is still sailing until the next storm.

I guess the reason I am telling you all this, is that one of my 20+ friends is getting married in December and they (She and her fiancé) are in marriage counseling for premarital couples!! Although I welcome knew and kinky idea very easily, but I do have a bit of difficulty digesting this premarital thing. I asked what they taught in the couple’s therapy, and my friend said that there is a lot of role playing, and also throwing scenarios of married life into your relationship, like tensions with in laws, kids, financial and social. So basically this therapy is like a rehearsal for the real thing.

How serious can one take the rehearsal? And even if they do, what if the partner will not act the way that he/she performed in the rehearsal? Do they think that a few months training will prepare you for a lifetime of married life? There is always a curve ball that is unforeseen here and there unique to every situation and every marriage. And sometimes, I think I like my original signature on resolving marital issues, much better than recommended ones.

One either wants to get married or not. If you decide to get married, then compromise is your word of the hour for every hour of your married life. There is no other magic to this.

The way I see it, knowing thyself is key in this unison, and knowing thy partner is the spare key. You cannot change your partner. If you accept this then go for the commitment, otherwise, do everyone from your parents, family and friends a favor and do not commit yourself. Divorce is a very bitter experience, even worse than never getting married. But hey, as always, no one asked for my advice??

How do we measure intelligence or wisdom?

A few days ago I emailed everyone in my address book that I am moving internet provider and asked them to use the new email address that was indicated in the body of the mail. Before pressing the send button, I contemplated on the content that I wrote and decided to add that my home address and telephone number remain the same. I thought that the last sentence will seal the deal and that everything will be crystal clear. Wrong wrong wrong.

The responses that I got were unbelievable and made me wonder and reevaluate people's intelligence a new. I had underestimated intelligence in some and overestimated on others based on my cliche and perjudiced perceptions. I have sworn, never again! Let me share a few answers:

The first group was the one that English is their second langauge and they are not very fluent in it, but get by. All of them understood exactly what I was talking about. They immediately emailed me on the new address to acknowledge receipt.

Another group that English is their mother tongue asked me where I was moving to? An English lady who claims to have a degree from Oxford wanted to know where can she meet me when she gets here end of July, if not in my old house??

A marketing director at another firm wanted to know where our offices are moving to? Another one asked me what happens with the current email address. The winner was the one who was glad to hear from me and wanted to invite us to dinner soon. And ofcourse I said yes!

My favorite answer came from a favorite friend who wished me good luck in the moving process (which I need desperately, because the move is far from smooth). She also said that she was glad that we were only moving in cyberland and not into another land, because she would have terribly missed me. This is the kind of answer that I strive to deliver everytime that something comes up.

Creating Dr. Teddy

At the last stages of the + years of 40, I experienced one of the joys of 4teen and once again concluded that being young has a lot to do with the state of mind and has some to do with the birth date on our official identity cards.

I was shopping for a graduation gift with the older 4teen and she decided that she wants to give the graduate a teddy bear as a gift. Mind you this teddy bear was not an ordinary one that you buy ready in the store, it was custom built in a fancy store where I spent a few hours of a very happy time. No drinks were involved!

We went into the build a bear store and started being GOD! First we started to choose the kind of stuffed animal that we want grizzly bear, panda bear, Koala bear, dog, cat, tiger, lion and the list goes on and on. Did I say that they came in various prices, some of them astronomical? Then we had to decide on the color of the animal, and there were so many of them that choosing was yet another cumbersome and fun task. An hour later we had a teddy bear that was chosen based on our financials and we were ready to pay when we realized that the teddy is just a piece of rag and it needed to be processed further.

Yes, the processing further meant that an employee needed to stuff the animal with the special material that is used to make them fluffy. Basically, we blew life into this piece of rag to give him soul and identity. We were also asked to kiss a small fabric heart and to wish something for the graduate and leave it in the teddy for good luck. Like a good affectionate mother, I wished the graduate to become a successful doctor.

Our Dr. Teddy looked great, but naked, so we dressed him. You should have seen the selection of clothing, shoes, underwear and specialty gears that were available to us. They had diving gear, safari suits, real suits, designer jeans and brand name boxers, just amazing!! We dressed our teddy in university T-shirt that he was graduating from and graduation cape and gown and very excited, we went to pay the Dr. Teddy that we had created. At the cashier we were notified that we have missed a step. That is, we had forgotten to print his birth certificate (BC). We could fill the birth certificate however we wanted, and the store will authorize the authenticity of it. I wanted the BC to read blue eyes with the height of 6”5, something that I secretly wished that I had!! Wow all done, we paid a week wages of the 4teen and left the store with a gorgeously wrapped teddy.

I don’t remember being this genuinely happy for such a long time. It was a lot of fun and I felt like a kid again. But now that the effect is gone, I can’t help but wonder what if I had the power to choose my own children and decide how they will look and what they will be? Appearance wise, would I have chosen the more expensive one that is trendier and more beautiful, or would I have chosen an ordinary one? Would I have wished them to have a successful career or would I have wished for health and happiness? Would the way that I would have dressed him, affect what he would have become? Would she have resented me if I would have made a choice that did not suit her?

The way I see it, I am so glad that I do not get to choose those things and as for the Dr. Teddy, I think we had a lot of fun making it, just not the traditional and biological way.

Mammonies!

This was the title of one of segments of last week's TV how "Sixty Minutes" coverage and I found it quite interesting and wanted to share it with you and add a few thoughts of mine as well.

For beginners, this is a totally new word and to be frank with you, I did not even look it up in the dictionary to find out whether it is genuine or not, but this is how the program translated the word: In essence mammonie is a guy who still lives with his parents at the age of 26+, in short and plain English it means "Mama's boy". These guys have jobs, paying jobs, but still live with their parents in the same room with the same furniture like the one that they were in high school. Mom still cooks their favorite food, cleans their room and does their laundry. One mom even said that she sits up for her son to get home at nights. Parents added that they never even suggest to their sons to leave the house, because they believe that the sons will leave when they are ready.

Oh by the way, this program was taped in Italy and the mammonie is an Italian term for these guys.

Being a naturalized citizen myself, I can totally relate to this subject and can understand where the parents are coming from. I know first hand that this mammonie thing is a definitely a cultural thing and nothing else. This is the way that parents help their children save money during single hood phase in their life to be able to buy a house when they are married. And yes, in my country everyone did get married and stayed married until death does us apart. Where I was born, this is called parenthood.

But I am digressing. My point is not debating whether this is a cultural thing or not or whether they get married or not. I am not even debating whether this is right or wrong. I just don't believe that living with your parents at older age necessarily make you a Mama's boy. I know a lot of men who live in their apartments and are even married, but are still Mama's boy or a mammonie.

Three years ago I was inspired to open a mama's by club as a joke, and you can not believe how many candidates and members I recruited. I had even some honorary seats too!!

I believe that most men in general are mama boys whether they live with their parents or not. They still go to their parents house to watch TV without interruptions and to have their favorite foods. Some still go shopping with their mom, because they like the way that mom pays attention to them while they shop and treat them to lunch afterwards. I know married men that have vacations alone with their mom and call them four to five times a day and tell their mom everything and I MEAN everything to their mom. Most of these men have been away from their moms in college years and had their apartments after graduation. So what do you call these men?

The way I see it, mammonies are all around us and do not necessarily live with their parents. On the contrary, real Mama's boys, mammonies, hate that term and vehemently deny being one, while the ones that live with their parents, and the program called them mammonies, had no trouble talking about their lives with their parents and how much they love it. I find them very smart in financial matters and frankly, I think they make better parents too.

But hey who asks my opinion???

Am I the only one who is confused???

When the news about the pregnant man was published, I was pretty sure that this person is a trans gender, but I could not figure out how exactly he got pregnant, while he was married to a woman. Mystery solved, because last week he confirmed on TV that he is six months pregnant and also shed some light on how she went through the sex change and that how she kept her women organs and ultimately how she got pregnant. He said that since his wife could not bear children and she could, then they decided to use the sperm bank and get artificially inseminated. He also added that he and his wife are very pleased to have this child.

The whole thing is very 21st century for me to grasp and despite that, I was delighted to hear about the details and how this mechanic exactly worked. All my questions was answered except for two. Well one is an observation and the other one is still a question, and a big and crucial one too.

I think with all the progress in the field of medicine and all this sex change, they still could not take away the motherhood instinct and desire out of this man who is an ex woman. No pill, testosterone treatment and hormone therapy is able to extract that from a person's nature and how interesting is that? That is my observation.

And my question is: when the baby is born and somewhat grown up, how do they want to explain to this child that , well your dad actually gave birth to you, like no other dad can, but hey your dad was not born a male gender........

Remind me why we have so many confused people in this world?? Talk about the therapy fees that this set of parents are in for!

Is it Fear or is it Respect?

I still give the best sit to my older sisters and carry their groceries. There are even times that I do not answer them back when I believe that they are intruding or crossing the line, and I do all these out of respect for them, not that I am afraid of them, or I fear that they may stop being my sister or other things, in fact, sometimes, I feel that they are too much of a sister that I can do without, but the philosophy of my life is that it is good to have everything that life offers except for pains, aches and disease. So I have two sisters and I will keep them till death do us apart!

So why are we having this discussion? Very simple, because this was a dinner conversation when the older 4teen was home for spring break. The conversation was mainly about the fear of GOD and then somehow it got to the fact that 4teens do whatever I tell them out of fear of losing my support or my punitive consequences like talking minimal with them or not being as friendly as I am all the time. OUCH! Yes, I heard them loud and clear, by support they do mean financial support!! I have to admit that being compared to GOD is an appealing concept and somehow I took the analogy very gracefully, however, I would still like to call that more out of respect than fear. But as always, no one ever consults me.

I took this criticism to heart and contemplated the issue long and hard and ran many scenarios in my head to distinguish the difference between the two and as I did go deeper into the subject, I believe that respect and fear are both the same. I will not talk about fear, because we are all very much familiar with the feeling. Respect on the other hand, is something that we earn and there is no price for that. Lets' say that I respect my boss, and I really do for the most part. My respect does not come from the fact that I am afraid that she will fire me if I don't. My respect is based on the fact that I admire a few of her characters traits and that I want her to have as high of an opinion of me that I have of her and I am afraid of losing that!! So somehow respect is connected to fear, but not for the conventional meaning that we know of fear. It has an almost positive edge to it that once again makes it about us and not the other party.

We do not mind how people that we don't care about observe us, but we do care how people who have some power, the way that we define power, perceive us. We respect does people, because we do not want to loose their alliance, and their opinion weigh a lot upon us.

Then I could really hear what 4teen was telling me. They do respect me, but they are wording it differently and that is OK. For a while, I thought that I will have to pay hefty fees to a therapist so that the 4teens can get over their fear of me!! What a relief! Now that I am aware of my power, I sorry I meant to say this fact) I can make them see it my way, how respect and fear are one and the am depending of how you look at it.

And as for respecting my older siblings, yes beside the love element in the relationship, I believe that the same rule applies to some extent. It s all in how you interpret things.

Tribute To The Birthday Girl

I love birthday parties. I believe that when we get to 40tplus, we need some sort of time that it is all about us and birthday parties provide that, even if it is for a few hours?? Of course the drinks help too!

Last week an unfortunate friend of ours turned 50plus and we all went to a bar to celebrate it, mind you, I have not been to a bar for such a long time and…, but that is for another day. Anyway, I met a few other ladies, all single either divorced or widower and they all owned at least two dogs plus some other pets. Lisa (another guest) and I were the only ones who had only a husband and still married, and I also have two 4teens that Lisa lacked as well. One of the ladies commented that I am rare specie, but I already knew that.

Interesting circle!! All we talked was about dogs and pets all night, and I mean all night!! From hairdresser to veterinarian and dog food and best places to walk the dogs, we covered it all. I swear that in my all life and parenthood, I do not recall myself bragging about my kids to this extent. I was baffled. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs, especially when they are someone else’s, but I have a problem when I talk to people and all we talk about are dogs. Something was wrong with this picture and it was definitely not me, because despite my age and other things, I got hit on twice and got a free drink out of it too!! These women have no life but the life with their pets. Some of these women have no human relationship outside work except for the dogs and it makes me wonder why.

How disappointed are they in human race? Why are they pulling away from human contact, not only from men, but from women too? Why do they give up trying? These women (maybe there are some men too) isolate themselves to the extent that they have difficulty getting along with others in a social event and some were severely depressed ( I am not a licensed fractioned, but I can tell!). The way I see it, one of the failures of the society is that people are lonely, and believe me when I say that it is there doing. I do know the difference between being lonely and being alone and I know that these women were lonely. Most of them were a nervous wreck in the bar and did not quite know how to behave, and my heart went to them. I could see that they were looking for men, but did not quite know how to go around it. Somewhere in the process, they became diffident and insecure by loosing their real selves and that is sad. Did I mention that they were all educated women?

We all need good friends in life. Friends, who tell us, coach and direct us when they see something odd. I know that I always felt a need for one and tried my best to be one too. That night I had a bitter sweet feeling. I felt sad, because I was growing old, and also blessed that I have still a few people in my life that can straighten me out when I am out of line, especially the one who is ending her 4teen days and stepping into TEENLESS days.

Who is this about?

As we entered 2008, we are still hearing more news about all these so called singer/actors/actresses and their infamous activities on an hourly basis. We are still reading in the news about all the DUIs and all the rehabs and how many times in rehab and which rehab and name it all. Now the news is overwhelmed by the Spears girl who was the idol of some TV channel and at the age of 16 she is pregnant. Different groups are at each others throat for the morality of this news.

I have to admit that I do follow these news closely too!! I find it very amusing that all these gorgeous and rich young ladies mess up their lives for a bit of attention. One would think that they do have to do a lot to keep up with all the competition in the field, but apparently not! Getting a negative publicity is still publicity.

And the way I see it, this is not about them at all. Once again it is all about me. This is a get away for me to judge some one else instead of judging myself. I get distracted by these news and forget about my problems and misfortunes. These are diversions away from all the sad news that we read on a daily basis in regards of bombings, fires, killings and ......

See, not that the stories of the celebs are not sad, I am sure that in a way or two they are, but I do not quite find it that way. These celebs bring these calamities on themselves, by their own hands. It is hard to sympathize with a 20 year old girl who is rich and famous and ends up in jail for DUI. Or defend the other one who ends up in the rehab, because she needed daddy attention. Kill me, but I am unable to shed a tear or two.

But in a very twisted way, it is nice to hear these tabloids. It is always heartwarming to hear about other's failures to justify our own positions and shortcomings. See, if I were born to the Hiltons, I could have had all the money and the glory and ended up like Paris in jail. Forget about the reality that I am not Paris Hilton and I still can end up jail anyway doing what she did.

Sometimes I am as shallow and vain as..., but believe me that I am only human.