I constantly overhear 4teen telling his friend, “and I asked her (4t) what did I do now that your are mad at me? And she said NOTHING, and she means it. Can you believe it and…..!”
Think about it, it is not always the things that people DO that make you mad, often times the things that they DO NOT DO, makes you even more furious. The truth is that at times I am mad at my 4teens for all the things that they do not do. For instance, not cleaning their room, helping around the house or not calling when being late. I get furious when they do not do their best or they fail to communicate important things (To my standard) to me. This rule applies to me personally as well, and here is why….
A few weeks ago at metro I was mad at myself for doing nothing. I still do not know what could I have done, but I am disappointed in me despite that. The 7am morning metro commute in DC area has it’s own crowd. For starters everyone is going to work. Almost all have their briefcases, daily news papers, occasional iPods and their comfortable shoes to walk up and down the steps as well as walking between the station and their cars, houses or buses. Those who don’t read nap, and they hardly ever talk to each other. The atmosphere is serious, yet I would like to believe civilized and professional. I have been offered a seat when the metro was very crowded, by gentlemen, who are still not as extinct as I thought.
On one of these normal mornings, an African American middle aged lady with three or four full tote bags entered the metro car. Her hair was not as coiffure and her clothes not as elegant as the rest of the people, yet a passenger none the less.
The car was very crowded and more people entered every station and apparently as she was walking toward the middle of the car, her tote bags accidentally hit another passenger’s foot and the man muttered an ugly curse at the woman. The woman angrily and sarcastically asked “Excuse me!” and the man repeated his ugly word. And the woman started yelling, cussing and screaming…..Not one person, including me opened his mouth. We pretended as if nothing is happening with our head bent looking at our feet.
And then I raised my head and looked around at all these people that were simply white and differently dressed, and it was then that I felt for that woman. I remembered in my other life, were I lived in my birth place, when I entered any where, I just prayed that no one will notice that I have a different religion until I am done with whatever I was supposed to do, and my religion was not even visible. I knew that for me being different meant different treatment. I know the feeling, because I have been that woman Yet that day, standing on the other side of the table, I did nothing to defend her, absolutely nothing.
The truth is that I can not shake the image out of my head. I can not but wonder if the man would have cursed at another woman in the same situation. Or why did no one offer her a seat, despite her age and baggage? Would they have done the same if the woman was different?
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Bathrooms & Their Therapeutic Effect.
In the last few weeks, after my 2007 resolution to drink more water, I have been paying a lot more visit to my local bathrooms; therefore, I have started to notice a few things that are new to my eyes that do not make much sense to me, but apparently is evident to many people.
During my visits to the ladies room at work, I have noticed that many ladies come there to relax and to get away. Many come there to cry, and some to talk on their cell phones. Last week, someone stepped in and was unaware of my presence and started pacing the 5 yard place maybe ten times and huffed and puffed, looked at herself in the mirror, and left. Mind you, most of these people at work have their own offices with a door attached.
I know many people that stay long minutes in bathrooms and they sometimes take magazines and papers to read. At restaurants, bathrooms are not only for call of nature; people go there to talk and share secrets and occasionally smoke. When 4teen was a terrible2, she wanted to visit every bathroom at any restaurant or any house that we visited, and there were times that she did not even have to use it.
So there must be something that I am missing about this bathroom thing. I understand that at some places, like hotels, restaurants and peoples houses, bathrooms are pretty and cozy, but what is there to do more than conducting one’s business??
To me, bathrooms are very impersonal, cold and for heavens sake smelly. Why would I want to vent or relax in such a place? Why would I want to read a magazine or a paper there, while I can easily go to a coffee shop or a place that overlooks nature? If I think I am hiding from people in bathroom, or they will leave me alone there, I should think again, because in a household full of people there is no privacy even in the bathroom, of course if you are a 4t and not 4teen and definitely a man.
Maybe the big mirrors give consolation to the depressed and the upset. I have not yet figured out what is it that soothes people in the bathroom and why does it not work on me? I wish someone would explain it to me. Anyone?
During my visits to the ladies room at work, I have noticed that many ladies come there to relax and to get away. Many come there to cry, and some to talk on their cell phones. Last week, someone stepped in and was unaware of my presence and started pacing the 5 yard place maybe ten times and huffed and puffed, looked at herself in the mirror, and left. Mind you, most of these people at work have their own offices with a door attached.
I know many people that stay long minutes in bathrooms and they sometimes take magazines and papers to read. At restaurants, bathrooms are not only for call of nature; people go there to talk and share secrets and occasionally smoke. When 4teen was a terrible2, she wanted to visit every bathroom at any restaurant or any house that we visited, and there were times that she did not even have to use it.
So there must be something that I am missing about this bathroom thing. I understand that at some places, like hotels, restaurants and peoples houses, bathrooms are pretty and cozy, but what is there to do more than conducting one’s business??
To me, bathrooms are very impersonal, cold and for heavens sake smelly. Why would I want to vent or relax in such a place? Why would I want to read a magazine or a paper there, while I can easily go to a coffee shop or a place that overlooks nature? If I think I am hiding from people in bathroom, or they will leave me alone there, I should think again, because in a household full of people there is no privacy even in the bathroom, of course if you are a 4t and not 4teen and definitely a man.
Maybe the big mirrors give consolation to the depressed and the upset. I have not yet figured out what is it that soothes people in the bathroom and why does it not work on me? I wish someone would explain it to me. Anyone?
Monday, January 15, 2007
4teen & eyesight.
This week my focus is on 4teen and their attitude toward life. I believe that 4teen is experiencing a delightful age, but they all and I really mean all share a common trait; they are all nearsighted. No, I never wanted to be an ophthalmologist, but I guess after all they do not call us Dr. Mom for nothing. Their condition (4teen) is age related, like getting old and having catheracs( I know I have spelled it wrong, but I am unable to find the correct spelling at this time. Apologies.) But the good news is that with proper treatment and coaching, their condition should get better and in most cases gone as they grow out of 4teen and beyond. I hope.
The majority of 4teen is incapable of seeing farther too well, but they can see what is close to them very well, and by that I mean in life in general and not in medical term. They are all wrapped up in their present life that they fail to see their future and try to focus on it a little bit more. Most of them have dreams alright, just doing a bit of prep work to getting to that dream, is not the focus of the now. Having fun now is the objective of the game.
The way I see it, I need my ophthalmologist to prescribe me the right lenses so that I can see better so that I can perform my daily activities easily. 4teens needs a role model, that being a parent, guardian, mentor or a sibling to become contact lenses and eyeglasses to help them balance their near and far in life, so they can function better too.
The majority of 4teen is incapable of seeing farther too well, but they can see what is close to them very well, and by that I mean in life in general and not in medical term. They are all wrapped up in their present life that they fail to see their future and try to focus on it a little bit more. Most of them have dreams alright, just doing a bit of prep work to getting to that dream, is not the focus of the now. Having fun now is the objective of the game.
The way I see it, I need my ophthalmologist to prescribe me the right lenses so that I can see better so that I can perform my daily activities easily. 4teens needs a role model, that being a parent, guardian, mentor or a sibling to become contact lenses and eyeglasses to help them balance their near and far in life, so they can function better too.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
For everything else, there is master card.
Last weeks conversation, as every year before that on the first week of January was “The New Years Resolution” and how the same old new resolutions will be held seriously this year. So I made a couple of them (resolutions) and one of them is to keep in touch with family and friends more often. To prove my point to myself, I called a dear friend of my school years and reconnected with her after a very very long time. And as we went through catching up with our lives, we rekindled and revisited our past and it felt really good to picture myself as a 4teen, doing all the stupid things possibl. Of course what we did is nothing compared to what 4teens do now a days!!
And as we walked through the lane of childhood, we talked like children and our hopes and dreams still unachieved. What if Santa Claus would make me 4teen pounds lighter instead of bringing me my favorite perfume? What if he handed me my CPA certificate instead of a SPA gift certificate? What if Santa Clause came in January to deliver the long list of the resolutions that we make for ourselves, instead of all the materialistic ones that we want for Christmas? After all, I can buy all those perfumes, clothes and games, I have problem losing 4teen pounds in that last 4t years!! Sounds childish?
I know that for everything in life there is a price to pay, some of which we pay with paper money and the rest we pay by time, effort and believe it or not, our lives. I made an effort to call a long lost friend as part of some cliché in our daily lives, my new year’s resolution. I paid with my time and effort and what I gained, was maybe nothing to you, but priceless to me. I have not felt like this for more than decades. Something hidden and dormant within me has resurfaced and I love the feeling. So maybe Santa Clause, and or what ever we want to call it, did bring me something more than the perfume, but I had to show some initiation to activate and push Santa!!
The way I see it, no one really decides to start smoking as a resolution or getting involved in real life dramas. No one ever wants to gain weight or fail in anything, but it happens. Why? Because we do not want the alternative bad enough and we do not want to pay for it with all the other things but paper money. Sometimes we have to give a bit of ourselves to get a lot more of other things and sometimes that giving is not just paper money. And believe me, paying with money is always an easy way out, even if you don’t have it. Not everything worth, is paid by money. Ask me, I know!
And as we walked through the lane of childhood, we talked like children and our hopes and dreams still unachieved. What if Santa Claus would make me 4teen pounds lighter instead of bringing me my favorite perfume? What if he handed me my CPA certificate instead of a SPA gift certificate? What if Santa Clause came in January to deliver the long list of the resolutions that we make for ourselves, instead of all the materialistic ones that we want for Christmas? After all, I can buy all those perfumes, clothes and games, I have problem losing 4teen pounds in that last 4t years!! Sounds childish?
I know that for everything in life there is a price to pay, some of which we pay with paper money and the rest we pay by time, effort and believe it or not, our lives. I made an effort to call a long lost friend as part of some cliché in our daily lives, my new year’s resolution. I paid with my time and effort and what I gained, was maybe nothing to you, but priceless to me. I have not felt like this for more than decades. Something hidden and dormant within me has resurfaced and I love the feeling. So maybe Santa Clause, and or what ever we want to call it, did bring me something more than the perfume, but I had to show some initiation to activate and push Santa!!
The way I see it, no one really decides to start smoking as a resolution or getting involved in real life dramas. No one ever wants to gain weight or fail in anything, but it happens. Why? Because we do not want the alternative bad enough and we do not want to pay for it with all the other things but paper money. Sometimes we have to give a bit of ourselves to get a lot more of other things and sometimes that giving is not just paper money. And believe me, paying with money is always an easy way out, even if you don’t have it. Not everything worth, is paid by money. Ask me, I know!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)