I recently joined Face book to stay in touch with the 4teen who was away for four months, and the minute I joined, I had fifteen friends lined up for me, mind you, none of them even close to my age!
No I am not that outdated, I am part of linkdIn as well, because I find it a nice informational and networking tool. I keep in touch with colleagues past and present and I have reconnected with a lot of classmates. I belong to various groups and I use their experience in my own career life.
Then I am part of a family tree website that keeps the family in touch and another one that I do not even recall the name and not too long ago I hear that twittering is a new thing. As I was debating whether I should join that or not, I sat back and reflected.
I have not read a decent newspaper or a book in a while. The last time I sat with my friend to have coffee and catch up was....? I do not know when. This online networking takes a lot of my daily time! Every morning I have to check my work, home, and personal email and answer them as well. Then I have to sign on in face book and my other networking groups to see what is going on, despite all the buzzes on my cell as someone writes something for me. By the time I am done with that, half my morning is gone and believe it or not, I have a full time job! Midday, as I recheck my emails, I have to respond to some networking mails and then I have to sign in and........ Now that I think about it, all my friends are virtual! Of course, now I know much more about them than what they want to share, because with these networking sites, I have learned to read the body language of the photos and read in between the fine lines.
As I learn more than necessary about my friends, I have noticed that they may find out more about me too, because my life is in the open out there. All my friends can see my other friends, and as I figure what people are doing, I know that there are more intelligent people like me out there that are figuring out what am I doing. I know that I do not want to share too much with them. So I have become very selective in what I write, because of the no privacy issue.
First we lost meeting with friends regularly as cell phones came along, then we stopped hearing their voices as emailing and texting became a fad and now we are in virtual places talking to our friends without that human touch. Call me old fashioned or romantic, but sometimes I like not knowing what my friend is eating for lunch or feeling today. I do not need to see all odd pictures of my friends that make no sense to me. And worse of all, I hate how I have been estranged from my normal life just trying to keep up with all these sites. It is so exhausting and adds no value to my life whatsoever.
In short, twittering is not on my agenda at this point. I am sure that everyone has a good life of his own, but now I want to resume getting my own life and I will not be sharing it with anyone either.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Memorable Adamstown, PA
One of the interests that I have acquired after my marriage is picking old furniture, porcelain, jewelry, paintings among many other things to decorate my humble home and to make a few bucks here and there. Hubby chubby was the one who got me hooked into some one's trash is some one's else's treasure and between the two of us, I think that we have done not too bad. We have given our house our identity, warm, cozy, entertaining yet respectful of the past and old.
We visit numerous antique cities and flea markets that are in decent driving distances and as much as it is fun for us, it sometimes becomes a side business as well as. Last weekend (a few days ago) we decided to pay a visit to Adamstown, PA, because we heard that it is a good center for anything antique . The drive was long, but despite numerous routes that the driving directions and GPS systems suggested, we chose our own route and took I270 N from DC and merged into Route 15 North into I76 E (Toll Road) and then 222 North. The drive was partly pleasant, because we visited a couple of places like Cunningham Falls, Gettysburg and the battlegrounds and an outlet with no sales and use tax just before Gettysburg, PA. Adamstown is close to Lancaster, the capital of the Amish and also Hershey's park and Hershey's chocolate factory. If you have never seen any of those, please do. It is a must and it is really entertaining and sweet.
As we got on 222N, we started noticing buggies that attested to the presence of Amish people who provided a lot of dried herbs, vegetables, plants and candles for sales on the road. I always stock up on Chamomile tea when I am around Lancaster, because I truly believe in the healing power of the tea. No I do not suffer from tummy aches, however, sometimes stress makes me sleepless and Chamomile put my head at ease.
Adamstown is a small sized city with many antique stores for every taste and budget. The furniture is just amazing and priced to sell. The milk glass porcelain was plentiful and very inexpensively priced next to what I am used to, but the old aluminum dishes were much overpriced. The Amish sold breads and baked goods at prices very comparable to DC area and I personally thought that the taste was a bit foreign to me.
I saw so many antique stores and malls one after another that when it came 6 pm and time to close, I was not sure what stores we did cover and what we did not, because they all looked the same. The owners raved about their famous outdoor/indoor flea markets (there are two of them) that happen every Sunday and that we had to see it for ourselves to believe it. At 6pm, we decided that we are not going back and drive another Sunday for three hours just to see the flea market, therefore, we decided to stay in Adamstown and check the famous flea market that opened at 5 am every Sunday from March to November.
We looked for a decent hotel/motel in the area to accommodate us for a night stay. Prices ranged between $66 tax included up to $125 per night, with two of them offering continental breakfast all discounted and approved by AAA. Of course we chose the $66 one that did not have continental BF and that looked over a concrete wall with a nice shower and a very oddly shaped, ugly and huge room. We figured out why the room was cheaper than the rest of the town when we got to bed. We had roommates, and they were ants! Needless to say that we passed out the minute we hit our heads to the pillow. Apparently a common thing in that motel, because the wake up call @5 am never came and we had to leave our key in the room, because no one was at the front desk. Yes the motel has a name that most people do recognize it and that I am not telling!
I have to say that besides what we bought in that city that day, I came back with a few more souvenirs that are not quite as tangible as my antique clock or the chandelier that I bought. And here is what I found out about Adamstown the city, its people,and the culture.
We needed a change of underwear, shirts , tooth brush and tooth paste for the night and we thought that a Kmart or Walmart must be in the vicinity! Very presumptuous of us, because they told us that we had to go to the next town 15 miles away to find one of those (direct quote). They suggested their general store for picking up the things that we needed and I was impressed by that. While all over America towns are looking exactly like each other as if you have never left one to enter the next, Adamstown is preserving it's identity and I loved that. Big stores that are supposed to create jobs, while putting other people out of work are not welcome there. Moms and pops stores are all thriving and doing business maintaining the integrity of the city and it's identity.
The other thing that I liked about the city was the way people supported their town and it's welfare. I asked many people how the flea market was and they all told me that it is amazing. The flea market, I found, was nice but NOT amazing! I could have bypassed seeing that flea market, because I have seen much better than that in NJ and VA, but the way they advertised and told us to stay in town just to be able to see this flea market impressed me a lot and a big Hooray to the citizens of Adamstown for looking after the business of their community.
For dinner, we had limited options, a pizzeria, a dismal Chinese food or two packed pubs. We chose the pubs, because it was buzzing with life and they had told us that there is nothing to do in Adamstown after 6 pm expect to got to the pub and get drunk. When in Rome, act like a Roman and that is exactly what we did. The pub was packed with bikers, out of towners and also locals who apparently were regulars. The guests were almost all in our age and body mass range. They ate their salads in a sandwich which oddly enough was very delicious, and with every bite a glass of beer was drained. Smoking was allowed in every place of the pub, and they offered us as well, thinking that we have run out of our cigarettes and that is why we were not smoking. I had never imagined myself sitting anywhere in public with bikers with tattoos all over their bodies and here I was not only sitting with them, but conversing and cracking jokes with them as well. One of them offered me a ride on his bike. Well I did like them, but not enough to go on bike rides with them, at least not quite yet. The evening was fun and we certainly enjoyed every minute of it. I had not eaten that much greasy food in a month! The french fries was out of this world.
At the flea market, we noticed that despite their shabby boots, all these vendors wore designer jeans and drove expensive cars. They look friendly to you and they are polite and courteous, but most of them are not sincere or genuine. I noticed that if the merchandise has no price, it means that the price is contingent to your looks and it is not the real price. I also learned that you can haggle with them (I love haggling) but they must have the last word and that is the culture of the antique sellers in Adamstown.
I had a great weekend there. I shopped antiques, handmade pretzels and some rare plants that I can not find in this area. I recommend this town for the lovely pieces that they have, especially for all the people who do not understand much about antiques. Will I go back there gain? I don't know, because all I saw there in the 24 hours that I stayed there was old things and stuff. And with that being said, I had my antique fix for at least 3-4 weeks before I can spend another day in a city like that.
On our way back, we pleased our GPS by complying with the directions that it did supply. We took I76W to I83S to 695 W to I95 S to 495 and home. It was all highway and seemed faster, but it was only faster by 10 minutes. We were lucky to have no traffic, but for the future trips I will definitely take the route that took us there. Highways look fast and make an impression that they can take you anywhere on the fast track, but it is the routes that seems slower, but much more enjoyable with an opportunity of variety of things to see and do from point A to B.
It was a very memorable Memorial Weekend.
We visit numerous antique cities and flea markets that are in decent driving distances and as much as it is fun for us, it sometimes becomes a side business as well as. Last weekend (a few days ago) we decided to pay a visit to Adamstown, PA, because we heard that it is a good center for anything antique . The drive was long, but despite numerous routes that the driving directions and GPS systems suggested, we chose our own route and took I270 N from DC and merged into Route 15 North into I76 E (Toll Road) and then 222 North. The drive was partly pleasant, because we visited a couple of places like Cunningham Falls, Gettysburg and the battlegrounds and an outlet with no sales and use tax just before Gettysburg, PA. Adamstown is close to Lancaster, the capital of the Amish and also Hershey's park and Hershey's chocolate factory. If you have never seen any of those, please do. It is a must and it is really entertaining and sweet.
As we got on 222N, we started noticing buggies that attested to the presence of Amish people who provided a lot of dried herbs, vegetables, plants and candles for sales on the road. I always stock up on Chamomile tea when I am around Lancaster, because I truly believe in the healing power of the tea. No I do not suffer from tummy aches, however, sometimes stress makes me sleepless and Chamomile put my head at ease.
Adamstown is a small sized city with many antique stores for every taste and budget. The furniture is just amazing and priced to sell. The milk glass porcelain was plentiful and very inexpensively priced next to what I am used to, but the old aluminum dishes were much overpriced. The Amish sold breads and baked goods at prices very comparable to DC area and I personally thought that the taste was a bit foreign to me.
I saw so many antique stores and malls one after another that when it came 6 pm and time to close, I was not sure what stores we did cover and what we did not, because they all looked the same. The owners raved about their famous outdoor/indoor flea markets (there are two of them) that happen every Sunday and that we had to see it for ourselves to believe it. At 6pm, we decided that we are not going back and drive another Sunday for three hours just to see the flea market, therefore, we decided to stay in Adamstown and check the famous flea market that opened at 5 am every Sunday from March to November.
We looked for a decent hotel/motel in the area to accommodate us for a night stay. Prices ranged between $66 tax included up to $125 per night, with two of them offering continental breakfast all discounted and approved by AAA. Of course we chose the $66 one that did not have continental BF and that looked over a concrete wall with a nice shower and a very oddly shaped, ugly and huge room. We figured out why the room was cheaper than the rest of the town when we got to bed. We had roommates, and they were ants! Needless to say that we passed out the minute we hit our heads to the pillow. Apparently a common thing in that motel, because the wake up call @5 am never came and we had to leave our key in the room, because no one was at the front desk. Yes the motel has a name that most people do recognize it and that I am not telling!
I have to say that besides what we bought in that city that day, I came back with a few more souvenirs that are not quite as tangible as my antique clock or the chandelier that I bought. And here is what I found out about Adamstown the city, its people,and the culture.
We needed a change of underwear, shirts , tooth brush and tooth paste for the night and we thought that a Kmart or Walmart must be in the vicinity! Very presumptuous of us, because they told us that we had to go to the next town 15 miles away to find one of those (direct quote). They suggested their general store for picking up the things that we needed and I was impressed by that. While all over America towns are looking exactly like each other as if you have never left one to enter the next, Adamstown is preserving it's identity and I loved that. Big stores that are supposed to create jobs, while putting other people out of work are not welcome there. Moms and pops stores are all thriving and doing business maintaining the integrity of the city and it's identity.
The other thing that I liked about the city was the way people supported their town and it's welfare. I asked many people how the flea market was and they all told me that it is amazing. The flea market, I found, was nice but NOT amazing! I could have bypassed seeing that flea market, because I have seen much better than that in NJ and VA, but the way they advertised and told us to stay in town just to be able to see this flea market impressed me a lot and a big Hooray to the citizens of Adamstown for looking after the business of their community.
For dinner, we had limited options, a pizzeria, a dismal Chinese food or two packed pubs. We chose the pubs, because it was buzzing with life and they had told us that there is nothing to do in Adamstown after 6 pm expect to got to the pub and get drunk. When in Rome, act like a Roman and that is exactly what we did. The pub was packed with bikers, out of towners and also locals who apparently were regulars. The guests were almost all in our age and body mass range. They ate their salads in a sandwich which oddly enough was very delicious, and with every bite a glass of beer was drained. Smoking was allowed in every place of the pub, and they offered us as well, thinking that we have run out of our cigarettes and that is why we were not smoking. I had never imagined myself sitting anywhere in public with bikers with tattoos all over their bodies and here I was not only sitting with them, but conversing and cracking jokes with them as well. One of them offered me a ride on his bike. Well I did like them, but not enough to go on bike rides with them, at least not quite yet. The evening was fun and we certainly enjoyed every minute of it. I had not eaten that much greasy food in a month! The french fries was out of this world.
At the flea market, we noticed that despite their shabby boots, all these vendors wore designer jeans and drove expensive cars. They look friendly to you and they are polite and courteous, but most of them are not sincere or genuine. I noticed that if the merchandise has no price, it means that the price is contingent to your looks and it is not the real price. I also learned that you can haggle with them (I love haggling) but they must have the last word and that is the culture of the antique sellers in Adamstown.
I had a great weekend there. I shopped antiques, handmade pretzels and some rare plants that I can not find in this area. I recommend this town for the lovely pieces that they have, especially for all the people who do not understand much about antiques. Will I go back there gain? I don't know, because all I saw there in the 24 hours that I stayed there was old things and stuff. And with that being said, I had my antique fix for at least 3-4 weeks before I can spend another day in a city like that.
On our way back, we pleased our GPS by complying with the directions that it did supply. We took I76W to I83S to 695 W to I95 S to 495 and home. It was all highway and seemed faster, but it was only faster by 10 minutes. We were lucky to have no traffic, but for the future trips I will definitely take the route that took us there. Highways look fast and make an impression that they can take you anywhere on the fast track, but it is the routes that seems slower, but much more enjoyable with an opportunity of variety of things to see and do from point A to B.
It was a very memorable Memorial Weekend.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Is it freedom or restriction of speech?
I have a dilemma! I believe in expressing your ideas and opinions (as if you could not tell!). I believe in humor and quick wise cracks that are NOT hurtful or intentional. I make jokes about my birth place, religion, looks, height, skills and heritage all the time. and so I suppose it should be, but where do we draw the line?
I believe that no one takes anything to heart unless there is some truth to it.
I believe that no matter what I say or do not say, I will continue to believe what I believe and one can not change my mind.
With that being said,
I also believe that insecure people make ugly comments with intent to harm or attract attention.
I also believe that those who make nasty comments about others, despite what they make think or feel make bigger fools of themselves than others.
And here is the dilemma, our constitutional rights dictate the “Freedom of Speech” and at the same time imposes the restriction:
According to the Freedom Forum Organization, legal systems, and society at large, recognize limits on the freedom of speech, particularly when freedom of speech conflicts with other values or rights.[18] Limitations to freedom of speech may follow the "harm principle" or the "offense principle…(Wikepedia)
Then how is it that even with these restrictions some people get away with appalling remarks, yet some get scrutinized. Why are some people taken more seriously than others?
How is it that we are sympathetic to one group and negligent toward the next? Do we have a selective freedom of speech right? Is hatred and jealousy interfering with our freedom of speech? Is it again all about me? What works for me is ok and the rest does not concern me?
The way I see it, every year we get more advanced, whatever that means, we lose a bit of our freedom as well and we do not even realize it. I love this age of technology and freedom from menial tasks, but I also loved when I could speak freely without thinking ten times before spitting out my words, because no one analyzed it and no one took it more than face value. If I can not speak out for what I think and what I believe, then the constitution and the basic human rights bill is very confusing to me.
I hope that someone will shed some light on these concepts for me!
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Tribute to mothers of all ages
A few years ago, when I named my blog 40plusgoingon4teen I was trying to be very honest, but in a fun way so that my 4teens would relate to me and read about my thoughts and get to know me and my values in a entertaining way. But as I started writing, I found out that I was not out of line choosing that name at all, because at 40+ as a woman/mother/wife/daughter, at times I still feel lost and clueless about many things like my teenagers. There are times that I still need comfort and assurance of someone who believes in me and loves me unconditionally. I need someone to guide me and to hold my hand when things do not make sense. One would think that as we grow older and our children become adults, who miraculously know everything, we have all the relevant answers and there would be nothing more that we can learn from our frail and old mothers who are robbed of their youth, and memory. As odd as it sounds, I am still feeling like a child who is learning valuable lessons from my mom, with a tiny exception, this time I am taking this lesson to heart very dearly.
My mother is a very old 83 years old woman. Not only she is in poor health, but is also diagnosed with early dementia and she forgets a lot of things, and then again she remembers many other things. She now lives in an assisted living facility with a great staff that takes physically a very good care of her. She was moved to this house, because she did not get along with various live-ins that were employed for her, and that she could not take care of herself. Needless to say that she still does not accept this fact. She is currently happy for the care and the food, but resents the fact that she is confined to this kind of home and is been stripped out of her control abilities. If we were back where I was born, she would have never been moved to an elderly home and she would have lived with one of her children, but the reality is that we are not back home and that is not very possible right now. The worse part is that we do not even live in the same country and I do not get to see her very often and our relationship is mainly over phone calls and my occasional visits, which unfortunately is not as much as I want.
As an adult now, when I look back on my childhood, I know that there are many things that I learned from her by just observing her. My mother rarely shared emotion or thoughts with any of us and despite what others think about her, I always found her a real survivor. As a child, she had a very difficult life and whatever she learned about life or anything at all, she did it by herself without much guidance or help. As crazy at it sounds, even at her situation right now, she is still a very wise woman, who can see the jest of the situation much clearer than the rest of us and I still have faith in her sayings and observations. From her, I learned to read in between the lines. From her I became an expert in body language and because of her, I myself, became a survivor.
I am 50 years old now and a mother of two adults who think that their traits, values and behaviors are mainly self invented. Little do they know? They have no clue that even today; I am learning from my mom, without her preaching or teaching me directly. Because of her, today I go two extra miles to be compassionate to the elderly people, widow or not, who are frail and forgetful and are lonely and in need of loving human contact. I realize it now, that although I had it in me, but because of her, I do understand the need of all these senior citizens better than I thought I did. Today, I have a loving compassion for my own mother in law who is also a widower exactly like my mom living in an elderly home on her own, but in a much better health wise shape. I understand her enthusiasm on Friday nights when she comes to our home for dinner to be with us and the kids for a couple of hours. Today, I go the extra mile, to make her the foods that she likes, but does not eat much, despite my demanding job and tireless hours that I work. I did all these before out of my cultural background and at times with resentment, because of excess workload that I had. Today, I do not mind the exhaustion, maybe sometimes I do, but at the end, the better side of me prevails and I do the right thing, because it is right and I understand why it is right. She may or may not remember what she ate at our house, but the joy and satisfaction on her face for having her favorite food brings tears to my eyes. When I was younger, I barely kissed her and she barely volunteered and that was perfectly ok with me. Today, I know that she enjoys my embraces and maybe needs to be loved, hugged or kissed. I do not even mind the endless repetition of stories on a weekly basis, neither her sometimes hurtful words nor being unappreciative. All, because I see my own mother and I learn to understand and be more patient. Today I volunteer in various elderly homes, even if it is visiting with a sick senior citizen for a few minutes. I shop for them, listen to them and help them with their numerous chores and demands that they have.
There were times that I did all of the above in high hopes that down the line someone will do the same for my mom. Or to be more frank, I did it, so that the karma will be kind to me as I grow old myself. I had many mixed feelings and I resented the fact that I stopped being my mother’s daughter and became some one else’s daughter. Then I learned from my mother’s life that this is not guaranteed either. Either do it with love, or don’t do it at all. Expecting good retribution in the future for all I do today does not work like insurance policy, and I have started doing more with caring and less with resentment.
I know that I am growing older and that has to do some with feeling so emotional now, but I have also began to realize that no matter how old I am, deep in my heart, I still need a mother to show me the way and to point me to the right direction. I know that she has done a great job as raising a socially responsible child who herself has raised a beautiful family away from her own family, like she did, but I don’t know how good of a daughter she has raised for herself. I have no regrets in my life, despite the many adventures that I have had so far, except for one; not living close to my parents for the past decades. Maybe my children will learn from my life, but I have learned from my mother that I am not going to stop them from pursuing their lives and their dreams, even if they grow to regret it later.
My mother is a very old 83 years old woman. Not only she is in poor health, but is also diagnosed with early dementia and she forgets a lot of things, and then again she remembers many other things. She now lives in an assisted living facility with a great staff that takes physically a very good care of her. She was moved to this house, because she did not get along with various live-ins that were employed for her, and that she could not take care of herself. Needless to say that she still does not accept this fact. She is currently happy for the care and the food, but resents the fact that she is confined to this kind of home and is been stripped out of her control abilities. If we were back where I was born, she would have never been moved to an elderly home and she would have lived with one of her children, but the reality is that we are not back home and that is not very possible right now. The worse part is that we do not even live in the same country and I do not get to see her very often and our relationship is mainly over phone calls and my occasional visits, which unfortunately is not as much as I want.
As an adult now, when I look back on my childhood, I know that there are many things that I learned from her by just observing her. My mother rarely shared emotion or thoughts with any of us and despite what others think about her, I always found her a real survivor. As a child, she had a very difficult life and whatever she learned about life or anything at all, she did it by herself without much guidance or help. As crazy at it sounds, even at her situation right now, she is still a very wise woman, who can see the jest of the situation much clearer than the rest of us and I still have faith in her sayings and observations. From her, I learned to read in between the lines. From her I became an expert in body language and because of her, I myself, became a survivor.
I am 50 years old now and a mother of two adults who think that their traits, values and behaviors are mainly self invented. Little do they know? They have no clue that even today; I am learning from my mom, without her preaching or teaching me directly. Because of her, today I go two extra miles to be compassionate to the elderly people, widow or not, who are frail and forgetful and are lonely and in need of loving human contact. I realize it now, that although I had it in me, but because of her, I do understand the need of all these senior citizens better than I thought I did. Today, I have a loving compassion for my own mother in law who is also a widower exactly like my mom living in an elderly home on her own, but in a much better health wise shape. I understand her enthusiasm on Friday nights when she comes to our home for dinner to be with us and the kids for a couple of hours. Today, I go the extra mile, to make her the foods that she likes, but does not eat much, despite my demanding job and tireless hours that I work. I did all these before out of my cultural background and at times with resentment, because of excess workload that I had. Today, I do not mind the exhaustion, maybe sometimes I do, but at the end, the better side of me prevails and I do the right thing, because it is right and I understand why it is right. She may or may not remember what she ate at our house, but the joy and satisfaction on her face for having her favorite food brings tears to my eyes. When I was younger, I barely kissed her and she barely volunteered and that was perfectly ok with me. Today, I know that she enjoys my embraces and maybe needs to be loved, hugged or kissed. I do not even mind the endless repetition of stories on a weekly basis, neither her sometimes hurtful words nor being unappreciative. All, because I see my own mother and I learn to understand and be more patient. Today I volunteer in various elderly homes, even if it is visiting with a sick senior citizen for a few minutes. I shop for them, listen to them and help them with their numerous chores and demands that they have.
There were times that I did all of the above in high hopes that down the line someone will do the same for my mom. Or to be more frank, I did it, so that the karma will be kind to me as I grow old myself. I had many mixed feelings and I resented the fact that I stopped being my mother’s daughter and became some one else’s daughter. Then I learned from my mother’s life that this is not guaranteed either. Either do it with love, or don’t do it at all. Expecting good retribution in the future for all I do today does not work like insurance policy, and I have started doing more with caring and less with resentment.
I know that I am growing older and that has to do some with feeling so emotional now, but I have also began to realize that no matter how old I am, deep in my heart, I still need a mother to show me the way and to point me to the right direction. I know that she has done a great job as raising a socially responsible child who herself has raised a beautiful family away from her own family, like she did, but I don’t know how good of a daughter she has raised for herself. I have no regrets in my life, despite the many adventures that I have had so far, except for one; not living close to my parents for the past decades. Maybe my children will learn from my life, but I have learned from my mother that I am not going to stop them from pursuing their lives and their dreams, even if they grow to regret it later.
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