Happy happy meal

It is really interesting how happy meals from McDonald are one of the good memories for my younger 4teen and me in the same direction. Even today that he is a freshman in college, we occasionally meet at a Mickey D over a happy meal and ice-cream, which is my calcium intake, to disagree some more and yell at each other for how he should live his life and that how I am wrong in every move that I make. Some things like Mickey D don’t change! Or…

He is home for thanksgiving and last week we grabbed a happy meal while I picked him up from the train station and I was determined to reprimand him for something, when something else came up. The happy meal impressed us on many levels; we were both impressed by the fact that the portions were labeled with nutritional values for each item, from fries to chicken nugget were clearly indicated, we also found the portions were a bit smaller and we could not figure out if it was because of the economy or simply a health stand, and when we got to the toy and we saw the nerf gun, we both started looking quizzically at each other. Why on earth would McDonald put a nerf gun in a happy meal? I immediately questioned the reasoning behind promoting gun, and the miracle of miracles happened and the 4teen happened to agree with me! After so many years of fighting vehemently over buying toy guns, he was agreeing with me. Ok there is a GOD after all, but that is not the point right now.

The point is that we were both confused by the fact that MacDonald doesn’t want people to die from health reasons due to unhealthy eating habits and obesity, therefore, they label all the ingredients of the foods that they serve very adequately. But with that being said, they do not mind people dying due to improper gun control and promoting gun use in our youth. In essence, they are keeping the balance, they try to save lives with healthy eating habits, but they promote death due to violence and gun use.

What are they thinking? Or better yet. Are they thinking at all? Do they need some government body to monitor their common sense as well? I don’t know who decides on these toys, but maybe a parent panel should be in charge of that.

The way I see it, the bottom line of everything is $$. I wonder if MacDonald would have labeled it’s food if their revenues did not go down, or if the trend was not eating healthier? I wonder what happened to traditional toys like puzzles, balls and figurines. I also wonder if the phrase of socially responsible companies in business text books means anything to any corporation any more.

But 4T and 4teen did bond and agree on this issue, and that is a rarity. Then why am I still complaining about issues of the society!

2009 Nobel Peace Prize

And the award goes to............ President Barack Obama!
And the whole world, including President Obama, is surprised not only by the nomination, but by winning the prize. No one, even himself, believed that he deserved it. I thought that it was the comic of the day, and like April's Fool day joke, and that this one was yet another humor.

It was not a joke, but very much a reality, and the media went berserk with the news and for weeks and even up to now everyone is talking about it.

The fact that he won is not an issue for me. The fact that bothered me most is that he was the best among all the nominees and what did the rest do that his actions was the best among the worst? Come to think about it, it is kind of sad that we do not have eligible people who actually qualify for the peace prize, meaning no one is really attempting to make peace between anything and anyone and maybe this is the core of the problem of today's world.

tRUE sELF sYNDROME

What is going on?? Since last week, we have all these well known people that lash out on public raido/tv, on or off the record, and then end up apologizing for it. And yes, they are forgiven for their deviating from being civilized as we forgive our children. (At least some of us do) All these known episodes happened in one lousy week, from last Wednesday to this:

1-Senator of South Carolina, with the outburst of “You Lie” when the president was delivering his healthcare speech.

2-Serena Williams with her outburst in US Open.

3-Kanye West, with his uncalled for interruption on MTV VMA when Taylor Swift was making her award speech.

4-President Obama, calling Kanye West a “Jack Ass”, even if it was, or he believed that he was, off the record.

Whether the words are justified or not is a whole different story, but what happened to freedom of speech coupled with respect? All the above people were exercising their freedom of speech, and at the same time violating someone else’s rights. I am very confused, if both party’s are at right, then who is wrong? I guess that sometimes it is hard to channel you anger and frustration through ”Constructive Dialogue”, and the old basic lashing out gets the message across more effective, of course with a price tag attached.

Be careful with what you are eating, drinking or breathing. It seems to me that a new epidemic is forming and is that it seems to be contagious! Maybe FDA should be working on a vaccine for that too. It should be called “tRUE sELF sYNDROME”, because how much they train you to be civilized and mindful, at times, your true self manifests its originality and snaps, and these cases OUCH it snapped bad.

Empty Nest

I don't know how and when it happened, but all of a sudden people are nicer to me and my hubby chubby and pat our backs and more often have kinder words for us. It was only last night that I figured out why and since then, I can't stop but chuckling!

The last of my 4teens left for college last week. He could not wait to see us leave and let him be with his new life away from home. He is writing all over face book, my space, twitter and many many more "Living a good life", as if his life has started after moving to the dorms. What does this say about his first 18 years of life? And who is paying for this life good life now? But I am deviating from the main subject. This is not about them, it is about me.

So these friends are feeling bad for us for having an empty nest. I am conflicted. Should I feel bad and should I be miserable? Am I normal for feeling kind of free that almost everyone has left, or am I considered to be a bad mother? Should I be ashamed for being happy to have a portion of my life back? However I look at this situation, I can not say that I am devastated. I am sorry, but can not.

The truth is that I do not miss the nights that I laid in bed wide awake until they get home and lock the door. I do not miss the moodiness and the nasty tempers. I do not miss wrecking my head for planning and shopping dinners that will satisfy everyone, and then when after a long day of work and slaving over a dinner that was not even to my liking, no one shows up, because they have other plans. I do not miss being treated like a moron in my house while they feed me all the words that I did put into their heads. I do not miss picking up after them in the family room, their room and their bathroom. I do not miss the chaos and the untidiness of my house and God knows I do not miss the million trips to the grocery store on every day of the week. I am happy to have my computer back, somehow with all of them having their own room and laptops, my computer was always occupied and the settings were all changed to their liking. I like listening to my music versus all the loud bangs of unknown rappers whose name starts with LIL.

With that being said, I do miss our heated discussions about issues of the world and humanity. We used to sit together and reslove the problems of the world from politics to social, religion and even entertaiment and hollywood life. I miss the gossip of the teenage life and the trends and the way of thoughts. I miss seeing how they grow up mentally and intellectually through their observation of life. I loved to hear their take of incidents that happen in their life and around the world in general. I miss seeing how life shapes their ideas and their choices and how sometimes I have no part in that. I miss hearing about their dreams and goals, and was excited to be involved in it. I love being as young as they are with no limit to any dream and all my life in front of me.

Hard to explain, but in the last year or so, while they were living here with us, they were not here. Our empty nest had happened a while ago and did not start when they physically left our house. Yes, I miss them, and No I don't want to hold them back. I need them in my life, but I am not going to demand it from them. They are doing what they are supposed to do, living their lives and write their own books and making their own choices. Maybe, one day they will decide that they want us in their life, until then, I will pursue my life to the best of my ability and pray that they always make the best choices and do the right thing.

The way I see it, I am proud of them for being such a confident individuals who can face the world on their own and they do not need us to hold their hands. However, they need us to pay for the good life style that they live! Whatever we could not drill into their head, this one we sure did. That no matter what, this house will always be their house and they are always welcome.

Wondering: Just maybe

These are tough economic times and I believe that as responsible citizens, we are obliged to be mindful of not only being wasteful in our home, but in our community and surroundings as well. One would think that maybe, just maybe, if I am a bit more frugal on spending someone else’s money, then one less person will lose a job, and one less company will post losses, and one less company will go bankrupt, and…. Just maybe.

Twelve days ago the younger 4teen got into a car accident that was not his fault. Fortunately no one was physically or emotionally (very important) hurt. The front of the car is severely damaged and you can only imagine the extent of the headaches that follow such an accident. The other party’s insurance called right away and acted upon doing all the right things by assuming responsibility to fix the car and also providing a rental. Me, on the other hand, being impressed by the efficiency, thought that the whole ordeal will be resolved fast, denied the rental, thinking to myself, why waste the insurance company’s funds if we can get by in a few days.

Big mistake! The person in charge of our account was changed and the new person was/is a bit lazy and procrastinator. Despite the fact that I provided all the phone numbers and calling the adjuster and hustling to move the process on, she took vacations and was totally out of the loop and asked for the duplicate information trying to blame other people for things dragging for the whole twelve days. Furthermore, when I requested a rental after a ten days, she shamelessly told me that since I have denied the first right, I may not be entitled. At that point, I lost my cool and told her that maybe I should talk to her supervisor, and miraculously things are moving along now.

How is it that I am after the welfare of the company that provides her bread and butter, yet she does not care a bit? Maybe, just maybe, some people do get their jobs for granted. I don’t know how she gets away by doing such a lousy job and still manages to be employed. Is this how we got into this mess to begin with, not caring whose funds we are spending or how bad a job we are doing? How did we get here? Were we always there or is it something sort of new? Are the parents at fault or is it the society who should tab the burden of irresponsibility? Am I a dying breed who feels that way?

The way I see it, we, as a society, are becoming a me me me me culture and we sometimes forget that at the end someone has to pay. Or maybe just maybe, we know that someone has to pay, but we don’t care who, until it becomes personal. I am so sorry for the corporate America, because they will be facing a severe rude awakening.

Is it only me?

I recently joined Face book to stay in touch with the 4teen who was away for four months, and the minute I joined, I had fifteen friends lined up for me, mind you, none of them even close to my age!

No I am not that outdated, I am part of linkdIn as well, because I find it a nice informational and networking tool. I keep in touch with colleagues past and present and I have reconnected with a lot of classmates. I belong to various groups and I use their experience in my own career life.

Then I am part of a family tree website that keeps the family in touch and another one that I do not even recall the name and not too long ago I hear that twittering is a new thing. As I was debating whether I should join that or not, I sat back and reflected.

I have not read a decent newspaper or a book in a while. The last time I sat with my friend to have coffee and catch up was....? I do not know when. This online networking takes a lot of my daily time! Every morning I have to check my work, home, and personal email and answer them as well. Then I have to sign on in face book and my other networking groups to see what is going on, despite all the buzzes on my cell as someone writes something for me. By the time I am done with that, half my morning is gone and believe it or not, I have a full time job! Midday, as I recheck my emails, I have to respond to some networking mails and then I have to sign in and........ Now that I think about it, all my friends are virtual! Of course, now I know much more about them than what they want to share, because with these networking sites, I have learned to read the body language of the photos and read in between the fine lines.

As I learn more than necessary about my friends, I have noticed that they may find out more about me too, because my life is in the open out there. All my friends can see my other friends, and as I figure what people are doing, I know that there are more intelligent people like me out there that are figuring out what am I doing. I know that I do not want to share too much with them. So I have become very selective in what I write, because of the no privacy issue.

First we lost meeting with friends regularly as cell phones came along, then we stopped hearing their voices as emailing and texting became a fad and now we are in virtual places talking to our friends without that human touch. Call me old fashioned or romantic, but sometimes I like not knowing what my friend is eating for lunch or feeling today. I do not need to see all odd pictures of my friends that make no sense to me. And worse of all, I hate how I have been estranged from my normal life just trying to keep up with all these sites. It is so exhausting and adds no value to my life whatsoever.

In short, twittering is not on my agenda at this point. I am sure that everyone has a good life of his own, but now I want to resume getting my own life and I will not be sharing it with anyone either.

Memorable Adamstown, PA

One of the interests that I have acquired after my marriage is picking old furniture, porcelain, jewelry, paintings among many other things to decorate my humble home and to make a few bucks here and there. Hubby chubby was the one who got me hooked into some one's trash is some one's else's treasure and between the two of us, I think that we have done not too bad. We have given our house our identity, warm, cozy, entertaining yet respectful of the past and old.

We visit numerous antique cities and flea markets that are in decent driving distances and as much as it is fun for us, it sometimes becomes a side business as well as. Last weekend (a few days ago) we decided to pay a visit to Adamstown, PA, because we heard that it is a good center for anything antique . The drive was long, but despite numerous routes that the driving directions and GPS systems suggested, we chose our own route and took I270 N from DC and merged into Route 15 North into I76 E (Toll Road) and then 222 North. The drive was partly pleasant, because we visited a couple of places like Cunningham Falls, Gettysburg and the battlegrounds and an outlet with no sales and use tax just before Gettysburg, PA. Adamstown is close to Lancaster, the capital of the Amish and also Hershey's park and Hershey's chocolate factory. If you have never seen any of those, please do. It is a must and it is really entertaining and sweet.

As we got on 222N, we started noticing buggies that attested to the presence of Amish people who provided a lot of dried herbs, vegetables, plants and candles for sales on the road. I always stock up on Chamomile tea when I am around Lancaster, because I truly believe in the healing power of the tea. No I do not suffer from tummy aches, however, sometimes stress makes me sleepless and Chamomile put my head at ease.

Adamstown is a small sized city with many antique stores for every taste and budget. The furniture is just amazing and priced to sell. The milk glass porcelain was plentiful and very inexpensively priced next to what I am used to, but the old aluminum dishes were much overpriced. The Amish sold breads and baked goods at prices very comparable to DC area and I personally thought that the taste was a bit foreign to me.

I saw so many antique stores and malls one after another that when it came 6 pm and time to close, I was not sure what stores we did cover and what we did not, because they all looked the same. The owners raved about their famous outdoor/indoor flea markets (there are two of them) that happen every Sunday and that we had to see it for ourselves to believe it. At 6pm, we decided that we are not going back and drive another Sunday for three hours just to see the flea market, therefore, we decided to stay in Adamstown and check the famous flea market that opened at 5 am every Sunday from March to November.

We looked for a decent hotel/motel in the area to accommodate us for a night stay. Prices ranged between $66 tax included up to $125 per night, with two of them offering continental breakfast all discounted and approved by AAA. Of course we chose the $66 one that did not have continental BF and that looked over a concrete wall with a nice shower and a very oddly shaped, ugly and huge room. We figured out why the room was cheaper than the rest of the town when we got to bed. We had roommates, and they were ants! Needless to say that we passed out the minute we hit our heads to the pillow. Apparently a common thing in that motel, because the wake up call @5 am never came and we had to leave our key in the room, because no one was at the front desk. Yes the motel has a name that most people do recognize it and that I am not telling!

I have to say that besides what we bought in that city that day, I came back with a few more souvenirs that are not quite as tangible as my antique clock or the chandelier that I bought. And here is what I found out about Adamstown the city, its people,and the culture.

We needed a change of underwear, shirts , tooth brush and tooth paste for the night and we thought that a Kmart or Walmart must be in the vicinity! Very presumptuous of us, because they told us that we had to go to the next town 15 miles away to find one of those (direct quote). They suggested their general store for picking up the things that we needed and I was impressed by that. While all over America towns are looking exactly like each other as if you have never left one to enter the next, Adamstown is preserving it's identity and I loved that. Big stores that are supposed to create jobs, while putting other people out of work are not welcome there. Moms and pops stores are all thriving and doing business maintaining the integrity of the city and it's identity.

The other thing that I liked about the city was the way people supported their town and it's welfare. I asked many people how the flea market was and they all told me that it is amazing. The flea market, I found, was nice but NOT amazing! I could have bypassed seeing that flea market, because I have seen much better than that in NJ and VA, but the way they advertised and told us to stay in town just to be able to see this flea market impressed me a lot and a big Hooray to the citizens of Adamstown for looking after the business of their community.

For dinner, we had limited options, a pizzeria, a dismal Chinese food or two packed pubs. We chose the pubs, because it was buzzing with life and they had told us that there is nothing to do in Adamstown after 6 pm expect to got to the pub and get drunk. When in Rome, act like a Roman and that is exactly what we did. The pub was packed with bikers, out of towners and also locals who apparently were regulars. The guests were almost all in our age and body mass range. They ate their salads in a sandwich which oddly enough was very delicious, and with every bite a glass of beer was drained. Smoking was allowed in every place of the pub, and they offered us as well, thinking that we have run out of our cigarettes and that is why we were not smoking. I had never imagined myself sitting anywhere in public with bikers with tattoos all over their bodies and here I was not only sitting with them, but conversing and cracking jokes with them as well. One of them offered me a ride on his bike. Well I did like them, but not enough to go on bike rides with them, at least not quite yet. The evening was fun and we certainly enjoyed every minute of it. I had not eaten that much greasy food in a month! The french fries was out of this world.

At the flea market, we noticed that despite their shabby boots, all these vendors wore designer jeans and drove expensive cars. They look friendly to you and they are polite and courteous, but most of them are not sincere or genuine. I noticed that if the merchandise has no price, it means that the price is contingent to your looks and it is not the real price. I also learned that you can haggle with them (I love haggling) but they must have the last word and that is the culture of the antique sellers in Adamstown.

I had a great weekend there. I shopped antiques, handmade pretzels and some rare plants that I can not find in this area. I recommend this town for the lovely pieces that they have, especially for all the people who do not understand much about antiques. Will I go back there gain? I don't know, because all I saw there in the 24 hours that I stayed there was old things and stuff. And with that being said, I had my antique fix for at least 3-4 weeks before I can spend another day in a city like that.

On our way back, we pleased our GPS by complying with the directions that it did supply. We took I76W to I83S to 695 W to I95 S to 495 and home. It was all highway and seemed faster, but it was only faster by 10 minutes. We were lucky to have no traffic, but for the future trips I will definitely take the route that took us there. Highways look fast and make an impression that they can take you anywhere on the fast track, but it is the routes that seems slower, but much more enjoyable with an opportunity of variety of things to see and do from point A to B.

It was a very memorable Memorial Weekend.

Is it freedom or restriction of speech?

I have a dilemma! I believe in expressing your ideas and opinions (as if you could not tell!). I believe in humor and quick wise cracks that are NOT hurtful or intentional. I make jokes about my birth place, religion, looks, height, skills and heritage all the time. and so I suppose it should be, but where do we draw the line?

I believe that no one takes anything to heart unless there is some truth to it.
I believe that no matter what I say or do not say, I will continue to believe what I believe and one can not change my mind.

With that being said,

I also believe that insecure people make ugly comments with intent to harm or attract attention.
I also believe that those who make nasty comments about others, despite what they make think or feel make bigger fools of themselves than others.

And here is the dilemma, our constitutional rights dictate the “Freedom of Speech” and at the same time imposes the restriction:

According to the Freedom Forum Organization, legal systems, and society at large, recognize limits on the freedom of speech, particularly when freedom of speech conflicts with other values or rights.[18] Limitations to freedom of speech may follow the "harm principle" or the "offense principle…(Wikepedia)

Then how is it that even with these restrictions some people get away with appalling remarks, yet some get scrutinized. Why are some people taken more seriously than others?
How is it that we are sympathetic to one group and negligent toward the next? Do we have a selective freedom of speech right? Is hatred and jealousy interfering with our freedom of speech? Is it again all about me? What works for me is ok and the rest does not concern me?

The way I see it, every year we get more advanced, whatever that means, we lose a bit of our freedom as well and we do not even realize it. I love this age of technology and freedom from menial tasks, but I also loved when I could speak freely without thinking ten times before spitting out my words, because no one analyzed it and no one took it more than face value. If I can not speak out for what I think and what I believe, then the constitution and the basic human rights bill is very confusing to me.

I hope that someone will shed some light on these concepts for me!

Tribute to mothers of all ages

A few years ago, when I named my blog 40plusgoingon4teen I was trying to be very honest, but in a fun way so that my 4teens would relate to me and read about my thoughts and get to know me and my values in a entertaining way. But as I started writing, I found out that I was not out of line choosing that name at all, because at 40+ as a woman/mother/wife/daughter, at times I still feel lost and clueless about many things like my teenagers. There are times that I still need comfort and assurance of someone who believes in me and loves me unconditionally. I need someone to guide me and to hold my hand when things do not make sense. One would think that as we grow older and our children become adults, who miraculously know everything, we have all the relevant answers and there would be nothing more that we can learn from our frail and old mothers who are robbed of their youth, and memory. As odd as it sounds, I am still feeling like a child who is learning valuable lessons from my mom, with a tiny exception, this time I am taking this lesson to heart very dearly.

My mother is a very old 83 years old woman. Not only she is in poor health, but is also diagnosed with early dementia and she forgets a lot of things, and then again she remembers many other things. She now lives in an assisted living facility with a great staff that takes physically a very good care of her. She was moved to this house, because she did not get along with various live-ins that were employed for her, and that she could not take care of herself. Needless to say that she still does not accept this fact. She is currently happy for the care and the food, but resents the fact that she is confined to this kind of home and is been stripped out of her control abilities. If we were back where I was born, she would have never been moved to an elderly home and she would have lived with one of her children, but the reality is that we are not back home and that is not very possible right now. The worse part is that we do not even live in the same country and I do not get to see her very often and our relationship is mainly over phone calls and my occasional visits, which unfortunately is not as much as I want.

As an adult now, when I look back on my childhood, I know that there are many things that I learned from her by just observing her. My mother rarely shared emotion or thoughts with any of us and despite what others think about her, I always found her a real survivor. As a child, she had a very difficult life and whatever she learned about life or anything at all, she did it by herself without much guidance or help. As crazy at it sounds, even at her situation right now, she is still a very wise woman, who can see the jest of the situation much clearer than the rest of us and I still have faith in her sayings and observations. From her, I learned to read in between the lines. From her I became an expert in body language and because of her, I myself, became a survivor.

I am 50 years old now and a mother of two adults who think that their traits, values and behaviors are mainly self invented. Little do they know? They have no clue that even today; I am learning from my mom, without her preaching or teaching me directly. Because of her, today I go two extra miles to be compassionate to the elderly people, widow or not, who are frail and forgetful and are lonely and in need of loving human contact. I realize it now, that although I had it in me, but because of her, I do understand the need of all these senior citizens better than I thought I did. Today, I have a loving compassion for my own mother in law who is also a widower exactly like my mom living in an elderly home on her own, but in a much better health wise shape. I understand her enthusiasm on Friday nights when she comes to our home for dinner to be with us and the kids for a couple of hours. Today, I go the extra mile, to make her the foods that she likes, but does not eat much, despite my demanding job and tireless hours that I work. I did all these before out of my cultural background and at times with resentment, because of excess workload that I had. Today, I do not mind the exhaustion, maybe sometimes I do, but at the end, the better side of me prevails and I do the right thing, because it is right and I understand why it is right. She may or may not remember what she ate at our house, but the joy and satisfaction on her face for having her favorite food brings tears to my eyes. When I was younger, I barely kissed her and she barely volunteered and that was perfectly ok with me. Today, I know that she enjoys my embraces and maybe needs to be loved, hugged or kissed. I do not even mind the endless repetition of stories on a weekly basis, neither her sometimes hurtful words nor being unappreciative. All, because I see my own mother and I learn to understand and be more patient. Today I volunteer in various elderly homes, even if it is visiting with a sick senior citizen for a few minutes. I shop for them, listen to them and help them with their numerous chores and demands that they have.

There were times that I did all of the above in high hopes that down the line someone will do the same for my mom. Or to be more frank, I did it, so that the karma will be kind to me as I grow old myself. I had many mixed feelings and I resented the fact that I stopped being my mother’s daughter and became some one else’s daughter. Then I learned from my mother’s life that this is not guaranteed either. Either do it with love, or don’t do it at all. Expecting good retribution in the future for all I do today does not work like insurance policy, and I have started doing more with caring and less with resentment.

I know that I am growing older and that has to do some with feeling so emotional now, but I have also began to realize that no matter how old I am, deep in my heart, I still need a mother to show me the way and to point me to the right direction. I know that she has done a great job as raising a socially responsible child who herself has raised a beautiful family away from her own family, like she did, but I don’t know how good of a daughter she has raised for herself. I have no regrets in my life, despite the many adventures that I have had so far, except for one; not living close to my parents for the past decades. Maybe my children will learn from my life, but I have learned from my mother that I am not going to stop them from pursuing their lives and their dreams, even if they grow to regret it later.

Heavy Duty Superstition

I have lost some cash that I thought it was in one of my bags and it is no longer there. I have turned my room upside down and still can not find it and this is driving me nuts. I usually do not lose things and the reason I hid this money is......., well it does not matter.

So, I was talking about this to my sister and she told me to grab a scarf and to make a knot with it and search the room holding it. She said that she does this all the time when she misplaces her keys or other stuff and she is very successful locating them! My next door neighbor told me to stand in my room and recite repeatedly " St. Augustine, I have lost my money, please help me find it" and I will be able to locate my money.

Interesting! Now in this case, the health or theft issues are irrelevant, and since the puzzle is still unsolved, we are back to superstition! Many people think it (superstition) works, and for those who believe, it really does!! My husband believes that when we have a guest that has been in our house for a long time and is not intending to leave, if he turns the broom upside down, he will leave immediately. Have he tried it? Numerous times. Does it work for him? All the time and I am not kidding.

When someone leaves the house on a trip (It could be either a guest or the resident), we pour a glass of water behind him, meaning that we want him back soon into our house. If we throw and shatter a black clay pot (with the emphasis on color black) , that means that we do not want him back in this house again, ever. Elders swear that the black clay pot works fabulously! Theory untested in my household, it may not last for a long time.

I recall my paternal grandmother very well, and after the incident of the lost money and all the superstitions I remembered something that she did and I did not understand back then. She used to live with us when she was in her golden years and when her relatives came to visit her, she sometimes took a needle with thread and pinned it into a dish towel in the kitchen. When I asked her why she did that, she said that her realtives spoke too much! Now I understand what she did back then, some people indeed talk too much and sometimes actions are required to shut them up! She seemed to believe that it worked, because she never stopped doing it and was very pleased with herself. I am very tempted to try this one though.

We are talking about serious stuff here, not occasional garlic and salt that works against evil eye. We believe that nothing is wrong with us, but everything is wrong with the others. Now if this losing money incident is an early indicator of dimentia or alzheimer, we do not consider, because the saints and the scarves are going to help me locate my money. Of course leaving it in the bank is another option that we are not considering.

All about retributions!

Retributions feels good and sweet. It satisfies the famous ego of one and brings a heartwarming smile to our faces. God knows that I have felt this way many many times, but my conscience is clear, because I did not cause the feeling of distress, I was just glad that justice was done. However, last week a friend encountered a situation that it made me wonder about the nature of retribution. How exactly does it work. And yes, it did happen to a friend!

I believe that the balance of the world is always maintained at all points of time. In order for one to get something, someone else must lose it, otherwise the harmony is lost. If the misery of one person makes me happy, because he feels the same way that I felt before by something that she inflicted on me, then sadly enough, when I am miserable, someone else is cheering because of the same exact thing that I did to her. And that did surprise me! How can I cause pain, mind you sometimes not even physical, on anyone. How can I be so unthoughtful or spiteful? And the answer is that sometimes we are, even without knowing.

There are times that we do the same thing to other people, because we choose to. We want to get even, and to treat them exactly like they treat us. We want them to feel the pain and the distress that they have caused. Very consciously we seek revenge and it is not to be confused with retribution. With that being said, I do admit that at times I have hurt someone's feeling, not because I wanted to but because I had to. As odd and unbelievable as it sounds, it was the best choice under those circumstances, the lesser evil of two evil choices. The intention was not to be hurtful, but it was hurtful nonetheless. And when karma gets back to me under similar circumstances, I do not like it, but I do get it.

But there are times that we do things without even knowing, thinking, contemplating. We do not mean to be hurtful, but we are. No one can deny that this has never happened the them, we have all done this and continue to do unless we make a conscious effort not to.

The bottom line is that what comes around, goes around. Every time you cheer when someone pays for the justice that is done for some wrongful act toward you, remember the days that you are miserable, because there is a big chance that justice is done for someone else because of you!!

The way I see it, retribution is a two way street. Even the holy and saint me have to pay for somethings at some times.

Birthday Senses

I did not realise how long it is since I last wrote, but it feels good to share some observations again, in particular as a tribute to my birthday 4teen++ girl.

Every happening in our lives makes us feel various emotions like happiness, sadness, loneliness, holiness, million dollars..... and I believe that you get the drift. This weekend I realized that some events in life can be felt otherwise, like not by intangible feelings, but by our very keen and God given five senses. Senses like sound, touch, scent, taste and sight.

4teen turned 21st last weekend and I, being a novice in this country who experience a lot of things in life in a delayed time line, realized that in this country 21st BD is more important than 18, the age that you are considered an adult who can vote, buy lottery and legal to be a responsible citizen without compromising parent involvement, by all the adolescents. I amazingly realized this weekend that for the adolescent the birthday number 21 simply TASTES different. The feeling of exhilaration for this birthday lies in line with the fact that they are legally able to drink alcohol and that is why it tastes different. However, I can not attest if this taste is deliciously better or worse.

Yes of course my poor child had no clue what alcohol looked like and how it tasted before last weekend, but all of a sudden, the self esteem has gone up by many degrees and there is a sense of Independence that has been created by this alcohol related BD. It does not matter that parents still pay for expenses, the fact that they can just drink, is enough to be a grown up for them.

The way I see it, 21st BD's taste is different from other birthdays on many levels. For some it tastes better, for some worse, but no matter how it tastes, the reality stills remain that they are growing old and the carefree days are getting closer to an end and that means more responsibility and accountability. Oh my God, do not remind me, I need a drink myself right now!

Lesson Learned in 08

09 has started with many resolutions for many, me among them, yet I have to acknowledge that although I did not accomplish all I wanted to do in 08, but I did learn a valuable lesson about me and I want to share it with all.

Psychology 101 teaches that there is a way that I perceive myself and there is a way that people perceive me, and God knows there is a true me some where out there as well. Further, they, the psychologists, teach that when the three images are the same and n sync, then one has truly discovered who they really are and that is the foundation of true happiness. as always, I opt to contest, not about the happiness, but about the three images being all the same and this is why.

The younger 4teen is graduating this year and is contemplating on whom to take to prom. The list is long and a bit complicated, as it is for every teen I believe, so when things get tense, I do tell him that he can take me, his mother, to prom if everyone refuses! We all laugh about it, because it is a way to break the tension and the ice. Some weeks ago, at our annual holiday party for our friends, when they were asking him about his senior year and his plans about future and the prom, I jokingly told them about the plan that I had in mind, because I did not want anyone to put 4teen on spot. After dinner, as we were cleaning up, a friend approached me and took me aside and told me that it is a very bad idea for me to go out to prom with 4teen! She said that in this country, it is not customary to go with ones son to the prom, because it would be an embarrassment to him. I actually had a real laugh over this and brushed it away.

A few days later, I was having dinner with a friend and her teenage daughter who had tagged along at the last minute. She was always interested in 4teens life and asked whom he is taking to prom and I answered that I did not know, and I jokingly said that he will take me if he can't find a date and they looked at me in amazement and then both started to yell if I were insane....... I clarified that I was joking and they said that the joke is very tasteless and as a friend, I was asked not to repeat it to anyone any more. And that got me thinking, because I was disturbed by what I heard.

How I saw my self in this whole scenario was being funny and making my child at ease in a stressful dilemma of insecurity. On the other hand, the way some perceived me in this matter was a controlling mom that can not let her son go. And the worse part was that I started thinking if part of it was true? I grilled myself over the subject for a long time and I now do know for a fact that it s not true. I don't know why people see me that way, but I know myself and I do know that in this case, what I did was not because I was losing control. It was because I wanted to diffuse an uncomfortable situation for my son. I am a parent and that is my job, until he learns to do so without being rude or impertinent.

I was being my real self, despite what people think. This is who I am, and I have learned that no matter what I do, there is always something to be said about my behavior, therefore, I am going first to please myself and friends or foes are entitled to their own opinion.

In conclusion, guess whom he is taking to prom if he does not find a date!!