09 has started with many resolutions for many, me among them, yet I have to acknowledge that although I did not accomplish all I wanted to do in 08, but I did learn a valuable lesson about me and I want to share it with all.
Psychology 101 teaches that there is a way that I perceive myself and there is a way that people perceive me, and God knows there is a true me some where out there as well. Further, they, the psychologists, teach that when the three images are the same and n sync, then one has truly discovered who they really are and that is the foundation of true happiness. as always, I opt to contest, not about the happiness, but about the three images being all the same and this is why.
The younger 4teen is graduating this year and is contemplating on whom to take to prom. The list is long and a bit complicated, as it is for every teen I believe, so when things get tense, I do tell him that he can take me, his mother, to prom if everyone refuses! We all laugh about it, because it is a way to break the tension and the ice. Some weeks ago, at our annual holiday party for our friends, when they were asking him about his senior year and his plans about future and the prom, I jokingly told them about the plan that I had in mind, because I did not want anyone to put 4teen on spot. After dinner, as we were cleaning up, a friend approached me and took me aside and told me that it is a very bad idea for me to go out to prom with 4teen! She said that in this country, it is not customary to go with ones son to the prom, because it would be an embarrassment to him. I actually had a real laugh over this and brushed it away.
A few days later, I was having dinner with a friend and her teenage daughter who had tagged along at the last minute. She was always interested in 4teens life and asked whom he is taking to prom and I answered that I did not know, and I jokingly said that he will take me if he can't find a date and they looked at me in amazement and then both started to yell if I were insane....... I clarified that I was joking and they said that the joke is very tasteless and as a friend, I was asked not to repeat it to anyone any more. And that got me thinking, because I was disturbed by what I heard.
How I saw my self in this whole scenario was being funny and making my child at ease in a stressful dilemma of insecurity. On the other hand, the way some perceived me in this matter was a controlling mom that can not let her son go. And the worse part was that I started thinking if part of it was true? I grilled myself over the subject for a long time and I now do know for a fact that it s not true. I don't know why people see me that way, but I know myself and I do know that in this case, what I did was not because I was losing control. It was because I wanted to diffuse an uncomfortable situation for my son. I am a parent and that is my job, until he learns to do so without being rude or impertinent.
I was being my real self, despite what people think. This is who I am, and I have learned that no matter what I do, there is always something to be said about my behavior, therefore, I am going first to please myself and friends or foes are entitled to their own opinion.
In conclusion, guess whom he is taking to prom if he does not find a date!!
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