This week I am celebrating my 21st wedding anniversary with my dear hubby chubby. Looking back, it sometimes feels more and other times a lot less years. Also, we both still don’t feel being married. We feel more like boyfriend and girlfriend, but we have kept our marital commitments to the max. Marriage never felt like a trap for either one of us, therefore, we never had the urge to free ourselves from this bondage, or prove our identity without the other. OH! Don’t get me wrong, we had our share of ups and downs. There were times that we both wanted to leave and never come back (there are still times like that!), and there were times that we fought worse than two fighting bulls, but we hung on to the boat and the ship is still sailing until the next storm.
I guess the reason I am telling you all this, is that one of my 20+ friends is getting married in December and they (She and her fiancé) are in marriage counseling for premarital couples!! Although I welcome knew and kinky idea very easily, but I do have a bit of difficulty digesting this premarital thing. I asked what they taught in the couple’s therapy, and my friend said that there is a lot of role playing, and also throwing scenarios of married life into your relationship, like tensions with in laws, kids, financial and social. So basically this therapy is like a rehearsal for the real thing.
How serious can one take the rehearsal? And even if they do, what if the partner will not act the way that he/she performed in the rehearsal? Do they think that a few months training will prepare you for a lifetime of married life? There is always a curve ball that is unforeseen here and there unique to every situation and every marriage. And sometimes, I think I like my original signature on resolving marital issues, much better than recommended ones.
One either wants to get married or not. If you decide to get married, then compromise is your word of the hour for every hour of your married life. There is no other magic to this.
The way I see it, knowing thyself is key in this unison, and knowing thy partner is the spare key. You cannot change your partner. If you accept this then go for the commitment, otherwise, do everyone from your parents, family and friends a favor and do not commit yourself. Divorce is a very bitter experience, even worse than never getting married. But hey, as always, no one asked for my advice??
3 comments:
Dear Blogger,
I couldnt agree with you more. Premarital counseling isnt everything its out to be. The situations are pretend and no one can predict how they will act under the pressures of marriage.
21 years! Heres to 21 more sister.
I think with more couples getting divorced compared to those staying married, premarital counseling serves as a cushion for people who are aprehensive about marriage. 40+ years together!? thats crazy. I am 20 years old and that though scares me half to death. How can you be sure that you wont get tired of each other?
*rebz
i agree with above "rebz" there is no knowing. i am getting married in twelve days and i am scared half to death. 21 years seems like a lifetime to me.
Post a Comment